


In My Mind and Heart, But Never My Embrace

by t_dragon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Female Kim Joonmyun | Suho, M/M, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Mutual Pining, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-04-29 21:15:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14481336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Baby, come and destroy me, leave me in the ruins in the wake of you,Lie to me through your kisses, your touches, your whispers,And then once more let me long for the pain of you.





	1. Chapter 1

 The first time they met was in a club. Drunk on alcohol and music, Baekhyun was in the middle of the dancing crowd, not caring who was grinding up on him or whatever. His black hair clung to his forehead and hung into his masterfully lined eyes, but he did not care. His body had been taken over by the beat, and with his hands in the air, Baekhyun obeyed it.

 Chanyeol was by the bar, throwing back shot after shot. Kris was buying, and Chanyeol was drinking. It was a perfect arrangement. With the body mass Chanyeol had, it was expensive business getting drunk.

 Stumbling out of the chair he had been sitting on, Chanyeol made his way to the bathroom, feeling a bit ill and like he really needed to pee, ignoring Kris’ calls after him. He would be fine on his own! Chanyeol did not know if he meant Kris or himself when he thought that, though. Maybe both. Probably both.

 Baekhyun began to feel a bit light-headed, the world spinning a bit too violently around him. Shouting something about needing some space to breathe, he headed towards the bathroom, leaving Jongin and Kyungsoo to whatever they were doing in the semi-darkness.

 He found the men’s bathroom empty to sight, and leaned heavily against the counter, not caring about how nasty it probably was, needing the support as he gulped down the slightly cooler air and felt his head clear a tiny bit. Baekhyun had probably had a bit too much to drink, and the added dancing was not making it better.

 One of the stalls opened, and a  _ fucking giant _ walked out, a cloud of grey hair around his head. Baekhyun’s eyes were glued to the frame of the man next to him - even with clothes on Baekhyun could tell that this man’s body was dreamy. And that  _ face _ ! If anything could come close to perfection, this man’s face was it. Large eyes, amazing nose and full lips that just  _ begged _ to be kissed.

 Hunger replaced dizziness, and Baekhyun unknowingly licked his lips, like a lion watching its prey.

 Feeling a bit better after relieving himself, Chanyeol took great care in washing his hands. Not because he was overly cleanly, but because of the sneak peeks he could take in the mirror of the black-haired man standing to his right. He was obviously wearing blue contacts, a silver ring wrapping around a delicious-looking lower lip, and Chanyeol wanted a taste. And when that pink tongue darted out to wet those lips, with a quick aftertaste of teeth, he almost lost it.

 Realizing he had washed his hands for way too long, Chanyeol turned the water off, before drying his hands. His eyes never left the short man - they were staring openly at each other now.

 Baekhyun’s lips stretched in a smirk, a silent invitation in his eyes, and Chanyeol pounced. The shorter barely had time to turn around before the taller was on him, lips against lips. Large hands slid down to firm thighs, hoisting Baekhyun up so he could sit on the counter and Chanyeol could have better access.

 Baekhyun wrapped both arms and legs around Chanyeol, keeping him in place and pulling him closer, as they tipped their heads and deepened the kisses, tongues sliding together in a feverish dance, alcohol and lust setting their veins ablaze.

 Chanyeol pulled back, and Baekhyun felt as if something was missing. Funnily enough, Chanyeol stuck his tongue out and retrieved something with two fingers, holding it up to the light. Baekhyun’s fake piercing. Frowning, Chanyeol dropped it on the countertop next to Baekhyun, before returning to the shorter’s lips. Maybe Baekhyun would miss it in the morning, but as soon as Chanyeol’s lips were back on his own, he forgot about it.

 His blood thrumming loudly in his ears, Baekhyun scooted closer to the edge, closer to Chanyeol’s body, fingertips slipping up beneath his shirt and touching a hard stomach. Gasping, Chanyeol’s hold on Baekhyun’s behind tightened, pressing their groins together, and they moaned into each other’s mouths.

 “Baekhyun,” Baekhyun whispered against the taller’s plump lips, as he dragged blunt nails over rippling muscles.

 Chanyeol groaned out his own name, feeling himself getting dangerously close to the point of no return. Fisting his hand in the shorter’s hair, he pulled Baekhyun’s head back, giving him access to a pale pillar just  _ begging _ to be bruised.

 As Chanyeol’s lips and teeth latched on to his skin, Baekhyun hissed and arched his back, pressing himself even closer to the taller. He was so close to snapping and starting to rub himself shamelessly against the other, and the thought of seeking release against someone in a public bathroom sent shivers down his spine. Anybody could walk in at any moment and see them - it was  _ exciting _ .

 Baekhyun let his fingers trail up Chanyeol’s chest, dragging the shirt up partially, before dragging his nails down again, catching lightly on Chanyeol’s nipples.

 “Fuck!” Chanyeol gulped against Baekhyun’s neck, jerking and accidentally pushing the shorter’s back into the mirror. He thought he heard something crack through the lust-induced haze, but Chanyeol really did not care.

 He was too far gone. Over the edge, past the point.  _ Well, that went fast. _

 Even though Baekhyun was half-lying uncomfortably against the mirror, and he was pretty sure he had felt said mirror crack, Baekhyun did not care. Looking up into blown pupils, his blood on fire, he craved  _ more _ .

 “Hyung?!” came Jongin’s voice, and Baekhyun realized they were not alone anymore. A bit dazed, Baekhyun looked up, still a firm grip on Chanyeol’s shirt to keep the man close. When had he moved his hands?

 “Oh, Jongin, hey,” Baekhyun said, his voice raw and hoarse from desire.

 Poor Jongin’s eyes were wide as he looked the two of them over, cheeks turning from pink to red. It was pretty obvious what they were doing, and Jongin had a pretty innocent mind, as far as Baekhyun knew…

 The door was pushed open as someone else tried to get inside.

 “Jongin, is he okay?” came Kyungsoo’s voice, but before the other could get inside, Jongin turned and held up his hands, blocking the view.

 “Don’t come inside, Soo! Back out, come on, let’s go!” Jongin hissed, embarrassment completely wrecking his temper. “Baekhyun-hyung is  _ just fine _ !”

 “Is he having sex with someone? Jongin, he’s having sex with someone, isn’t he? Are you kidding me?!” was heard from Kyungsoo as the door swung close, and Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol with a small grin.

 “Not yet,” he whispered, before looking around. “Want to get out of here?”

 Not sure he could trust his voice, Chanyeol simply nodded, before standing back and helping Baekhyun down. The shorter took his hand and dragged him out of the toilet. Jongin and Kyungsoo were standing outside of the toilet - Jongin with his face in his hands, and Kyungsoo rubbing the younger’s arms to comfort him - but Baekhyun barely gave them a mock salute before he continued on his way, Chanyeol in tow.

 Chanyeol looked out over the sea of people crowding the club, catching Kris’ eyes and throwing him a wave. Kris raised his brows, spotting Baekhyun, and sending Chanyeol a grin. Yeah, Chanyeol would be put through hell tomorrow, but with a look at the shorter pulling him along and with the urgency in his pants, Chanyeol did not really care.

 Thankfully, Baekhyun did not live far from the club, and with the short walk rushing past in a blur, it did not take long before they were inside again. As soon as the door was closed, Baekhyun was pressed up against it, hot lips running down his jaw and neck, hands tearing at his clothes. In no time at all, his leather jacket and his shirt was lying on the floor in the entrance.

 Chanyeol leaned back a little, letting his eyes travel over smooth alabaster skin as Baekhyun stood panting, a flush over his cheeks.

 “Nice,” Chanyeol growled low in his throat, a small smirk on his lips, and it made Baekhyun twitch with need.

 Slender fingers shot out, gripping the hem of Chanyeol’s shirt and forcing it over his head. Taking in the half-naked and well-sculpted man in front of him, Baekhyun licked his lips.

 “Nice,” he purred, smirking.

 Smirk growing wider, Chanyeol placed his hands beneath Baekhyun’s butt and lifted him. Instinctively, Baekhyun wrapped his legs around Chanyeol’s slender waist, and as soon as the taller was sure he was firmly in place, he let go of Baekhyun, instead taking hold of the shorter’s wrists to pin them above his head. Keeping them in place with one hand, Chanyeol let the other trail down smooth skin, leaving a burning trail in his wake. Chanyeol’s lips went to Baekhyun’s neck, still obsessed with making it bloom with colors.

 The fingers continued down Baekhyun’s collarbones and chest, stopping momentarily to tease a nipple in revenge, making Baekhyun arch his back and moan as the sensation shot like lightning through his body. The further the fingers travelled down, the harder it was for Baekhyun to breathe, the anticipation making him suck his gut in.

 Finally, the fingers reached the dusting of hair leading from Baekhyun’s navel and down beneath the waistband of his pants. Following the trail down, the fingers came to a stop at the top of the denim and began working on getting the jeans open. His blood pounding in his ears, Baekhyun let his head fall back, overcome with dizziness once more, but he was not sure if it was from desire or lack of air. It was probably a bit of both - but at least not alcohol this time.

 Chanyeol managed to undo the pants, and pushed his fingers down into Baekhyun’s boxers, brushing them against the scalding length. Baekhyun gave a gasping moan, his entire body trembling, and if it had not been for Chanyeol holding him up, he would have collapsed on the floor.

 “Ah,  _ fuck _ me!” Baekhyun breathed, and with a chuckle, Chanyeol leaned in.

 “Oh, I will,” Chanyeol mumbled, hot breath teasing skin, teeth catching a lobe, and deep voice going straight to Baekhyun’s groin. “But first I need to get you out of these jeans!”

 “Bedroom… Corridor… Last door…,” Baekhyun managed to pant, eyes half-lidded.

 Chanyeol placed both hands beneath Baekhyun’s thighs, holding the shorter as he spun around and headed down in the direction that had been pointed out. He managed to get to the last door whilst just stumbling once, and quickly entered. Not paying much attention to his surroundings, Chanyeol quickly located the bed and more or less threw Baekhyun down upon it.

 “Whoa!” Baekhyun exclaimed, bouncing twice with arms flying out to stabilize himself, eyes going wide.

 Chanyeol grinned down at him, before crawling into the bed and between Baekhyun’s legs. Placing soft kisses along his way up from Baekhyun’s navel to Baekhyun’s collarbones, Chanyeol revelled in the small whimpers that escaped Baekhyun’s lips. But it was nothing against the throaty growl-like sound the shorter managed to produce when Chanyeol once more grazed his neck, this time less careful and with more teeth.

 There was going to be bruises tomorrow, but Baekhyun did not care. He just wanted more.

 And apparently, he communicated this out loud, since Chanyeol suddenly asked for where Baekhyun kept the lube and condoms.

 “Drawer,” Baekhyun managed to mumble, lazily throwing his hand out to motion for the bedside table. His skin was tingling and his nerve ends were frayed, shooting shivers down his spine and making him jerk softly every now and then. It was a long time since he had been this affected by foreplay, Baekhyun thought to himself, and he did not know if it was such a good thing. But when Chanyeol rejoined him, prize in hand and handsome grin on his lips, those thoughts fled Baekhyun’s mind.

 Why not indulge a bit tonight?

 Chanyeol looked down at the softly panting man beneath him, black hair tousled and face flushed, and felt a premonition of sorts. Maybe this was a bad idea. Baekhyun seemed like the kind of guy you would be unable to get out of your head after a one-night stand. But at the same time, Chanyeol wanted to  _ savor _ him.

 After all, one night could not be that bad, right?

 Pushing all other thoughts away, Chanyeol reached for Baekhyun’s pants, yanking them down and cursing skinny jeans to hell and back. They looked hot on, but truly were a pain to get off… Though Chanyeol enjoyed the way they dragged Baekhyun’s underwear down with them, exposing more of the enticing ‘v’ starting at the hip bones and descending.

 Baekhyun gave a cute giggle as Chanyeol accidentally brushed the underside of his foot as the jeans were torn completely off, and the innocent sound mixed with the sinful picture of the nearly naked man, underwear clinging low and hardness evident beneath the thin fabric, intoxicated Chanyeol. Leaning down, he latched on to a piece of skin at the junction of Baekhyun’s thigh and pelvis, making the shorter gasp and wriggle beneath him.

 Slender fingers twisted into silver hair, trying to decide between pulling away or pushing closer.

 Pulling back as far as Baekhyun’s hands allowed, Chanyeol scowled down at the weak lovebite he had made, but began nibbling his way across skin and fabric instead. Wrapping his arms around the shorter’s thighs and holding them down, Chanyeol mouthed his way up Baekhyun’s length, making both it and its owner twitch. Then he carefully bit down on the underwear and pulled it down, achingly slow, teasing both himself and Baekhyun. Every touch of the tip of his nose on exposed skin drew a gasp from the other, and every single gasp went straight to Chanyeol’s groin.

 With his jeans becoming painfully tight, Chanyeol used his hands to rip Baekhyun’s underwear off, before getting up and quickly taking his own clothes off then returning to the bed.

 “On your belly,” Chanyeol ordered, his voice rough with lust, and Baekhyun gave a shiver before complying. “Good boy…”

 Suddenly, Chanyeol slapped Baekhyun’s behind, and the stinging sensation made Baekhyun jolt forwards with a gasp. As he did, rubbing himself against his bedsheet, Baekhyun’s gasp evolved into a moan.

 “Such a pretty little thing…,” Chanyeol mumbled as he gently caressed the reddening skin he had slapped.

 “Why, thank you!” Baekhyun responded, though the humorous tone was a bit lost by the breathlessness of his voice. Chanyeol still chuckled.

 Then Baekhyun heard the pop of the lube being opened, and anticipation flooded him, making him tense. Chanyeol noticed, and, after pouring some of the lube onto his fingers, laid down next to Baekhyun, wrapping an arm around the shorter man and pulling him against his chest.

 “Relax,” Chanyeol breathed against Baekhyun’s ear, pressing feather-soft kisses against his neck. Positively purring, Baekhyun’s eyelids fluttered closed as his body loosened up into the radiating warmth against his back.

 As Chanyeol’s teeth sank down into Baekhyun’s shoulder, his finger sank inside of Baekhyun, making the shorter shudder.

 “Oh,  _ god _ , yes,” Baekhyun moaned, pressing himself further down onto Chanyeol’s finger.

 Chanyeol gave a hoarse chuckle as he tried to keep Baekhyun still.

 “You can call me Chanyeol. Shouldn’t we take it slow and easy?” he asked, nibbling a trail down the shorter’s shoulder and trying to hold himself back.

 Baekhyun shook his head, his breathing turning more and more shallow. “No, I want  _ more _ !”

 And so, Chanyeol obliged. A second finger joined the first, and it did not take long before the third joined, and by now, Baekhyun was a whimpering mess, sliding himself up and down Chanyeol’s fingers. All of the little noises and the  _ taking for himself _ that Baekhyun was doing was quickly turning Chanyeol insane. His breathing was almost as shallow as the man’s in front of him, and he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in him…

 All of sudden, Baekhyun rolled out of Chanyeol’s embrace, fingers slipping out of him. Getting up on his knees, Baekhyun pushed the taller down onto his back before reaching for the condoms and lube.

 “What are yo-,” Chanyeol began, but his words were cut short by his own moan as Baekhyun wrapped his beautiful fingers around his length. Chanyeol was painfully rock-hard, and those amazing fingers were like sweet torture. Through heavy lids, Chanyeol saw the shorter quickly dressing him in a condom and slathering on some lube, before straddling him.

 Biting his lips, Baekhyun looked down at the giant below him, taking in those beautiful features framed by silver hair that made him look ethereal, and smirked. This might end in tragedy, but it  _ would _ be a fun ride, and Baekhyun would enjoy it to the fullest.

 Achingly slow, Baekhyun lowered himself onto Chanyeol, and they both moaned at the sensation. Placing both hands on the taller’s firm chest, Baekhyun let his head fall forwards, mouth falling open and eyelids closed.

 Trembling, Baekhyun slid all the way down and came to a rest, trying, and failing miserably, to catch his breath. Chanyeol reached up and gently swept some of the dark bangs out of the shorter’s face, before cupping his cheek and letting a thumb brush over those cute pink lips. Baekhyun’s tongue darted out over the pad of Chanyeol’s thumb as he opened his eyes, and they were so dark that Chanyeol’s stomach twisted in an  _ oh so delicious _ way, making him twitch inside of that sweet warmth.

 Baekhyun’s breath hitched as he felt it, and wanting to feel more, he began to lift himself up, before falling back down again, gasps escaping his lips. It did not take long before he had set a rhythm, up and down, that turned more frantic and more passionate with every passing second.

 Chanyeol’s blood was ablaze and singing, his mind blank and eyes glued do the man on top of him. He was completely enthralled by the black-haired nymph riding him with his head thrown back, skin glistening with sweat and mouth conjuring obscene noises that only fired Chanyeol on even more. The taller was actually pretty amazed, though dazedly so, by the strength in those pale thighs.

 It did not take long, though, before Baekhyun fell forwards, collapsing onto Chanyeol’s chest and breathing a ‘help’ against the taller’s skin. Wrapping his arms around the man on top of him and pulling up his legs, Chanyeol happily obliged.

 Baekhyun’s hands found their way to Chanyeol’s shoulders, clinging to him and nails biting into skin as the taller set an even more crazed rhythm. With every thrust, Baekhyun’s length was sandwiched between the two men’s stomachs, and the added sensation soon had Baekhyun’s eyes rolling back in pleasure. A large hand fisted in his hair, pulling his head to the side, and then Chanyeol’s mouth was on his neck, nibbling and sucking, making the pressure build even quicker in Baekhyun’s core, until he exploded.

 Choked moans and gasps and half-intelligible curses spilled from Baekhyun’s lips as Chanyeol felt the shorter contract around him, body jerking and shuddering, wetness sticking their stomachs together. The building heat turned into an inferno, and with a growl, Chanyeol joined Baekhyun in pure bliss.

 

 It took a little while for them to come back down from their high, shuddering and trying to catch their breaths.

 “That was… pretty nice…,” Baekhyun managed to say, making Chanyeol give a surprised laugh.

 “Pretty nice? I think it was pretty awesome,” the taller said as he dragged a hand through his sweaty hair, pulling it out of his face. “For once I didn’t have to do all the work! A true miracle…”

 “Yeah, well, considering how much my muscles are aching, I’m starting to regret it,” Baekhyun muttered, making Chanyeol laugh again, before helping the shorter straighten his legs out.

 “We should probably clean up this mess,” Chanyeol said after a few minutes of silence, gently patting Baekhyun’s butt.

 “Mm, later, let me rest for a little while…,” Baekhyun mumbled, his voice turning weaker and weaker, and soon, his breathing evened out.

 Raising his head slightly, Chanyeol looked down at the man on top of him, realizing that he had actually fallen asleep. And there was something about his completely relaxed face framed by still damp hair that made Baekhyun look so innocent and adorable - even though the evidence of their sexual encounter was all around them - that made Chanyeol pull the cover partially up over them and wrapping his arms around the shorter in a way that he could not deny was a bit protective.

 Yes, indeed - Baekhyun was the kind of person who got stuck in your head, and Chanyeol just wished that he could make him stay.

 

 The next morning, Baekhyun awoke to sunlight warming his exposed chest. Throwing an arm over his eyes, he just let the feeling of being well-rested and sated sink in.

 Until he remembered the reason for this feeling.

 Sitting up, he looked down at his bed, but it had been obvious even before - it was empty except for himself. The pang of pain in his heart was a bit surprising and very unwelcome after a one-night stand, so Baekhyun forcefully pushed it away, focusing on other things instead. Like the fact that he remembered  _ not _ cleaning up before going to sleep, but not feeling sticky now.

 Lifting his cover, Baekhyun could see that there was no trace of come on him. It seemed like the giant had cleaned him before leaving…

 Another pang hit his heart, but this one was from the gentle action that Chanyeol was not required to perform but still had.

 There was a dull sound coming from outside of the bedroom, and Baekhyun flew out of bed, ignoring his clothes in favour of speed. Throwing open his bedroom door, Baekhyun raced down the hallway and came skidding to a stop in front of the small kitchen, wanting to see a silver-haired giant, but seeing a… red-haired small man.

 “Baek?” Kyungsoo said, turning around and coming face to face with a completely nude Baekhyun. His eyes zeroed in on the free-swinging penis, before Kyungsoo threw his hands over his eyes, entire face turning an unhealthy-looking shade of red. “Oh my god! Why are you naked? I never wanted to see you naked! My eyes, my brain! Argh!”

 “Oh, stop being so overdramatic, Soo,” Baekhyun snapped, placing his hands on his hips. “I happen to know that I look fantastic naked, treat this as an honor!”

 Kyungsoo’s screaming had summoned Jongin from where he had been chilling in the living room, but as soon as he saw Baekhyun’s naked form, he spun around, and in an attempt to flee the sight, ran straight into a wall. The thud was loud enough to make Baekhyun cringe, and the flow of blood from the younger’s nose made him cringe a second time.

 “Okay, so, I’ll put on some pants, and you’ll deal with Jongin’s nose,” Baekhyun said to Kyungsoo, before strutting back to his bedroom.

 When he emerged again, dressed in a pair of pants and a shirt, Kyungsoo and Jongin were sitting in the living room, bloodied paper towels littering the coffee table.

 “Is he decent?” Jongin asked, though his injured nose made him sound very clogged and made the words slurred.

 Kyungsoo glanced over at Baekhyun before turning back to his boyfriend, nodding. There was a grim wrinkle set between his eyebrows, and Baekhyun wondered if it was from the surprise streaking, Jongin’s self-induced injury, or both.

 “What? It’s not like you’ve never seen a naked man before?” Baekhyun muttered. “You’re both men, and last I checked, you were in a healthy relationship…”

 “A relationship doesn’t have to include sex to be healthy,” Kyungsoo said as he dried the last of the blood away from Jongin’s face.

 Baekhyun crossed his arms over the back of the sofa between Kyungsoo and Jongin, leaning unto it to watch the couple.

 “Are you trying to tell me that you guys don’t have sex?” Baekhyun asked, and within seconds, both men’s faces had turned red.

 “I-I’m not trying to tell you anything other than not to assume things!” Kyungsoo stuttered. “By the way, there’s a note for you on the kitchen table!”

 It was clear that Kyungsoo was trying to distract Baekhyun - and it worked. Curious, Baekhyun bounded over to the kitchen and found the note, a ‘Baekhyun’ scribbled on it, quickly picking it up and unfolding it. A smile spread on his lips as he began to read.

 

_ Dear pretty-butted Baekhyun, _

_  Sorry I had to leave before you woke up, but real life called and needed me back. Wish I could stay and enjoy you for longer, but apparently my luck ended after ending up in your bed last night. Don’t be a stranger if we see each other again, and if you need anything, my number is at the bottom of this note. _

_  And hopefully you won’t mind me cleaning you up. I know I wasn’t required to, but it felt a bit mean to leave like that. Anyhow! Have a great everything, and hopefully I’ll see you again some day. _

_  -Chanyeol _

 

 Baekhyun was still chuckling over the quite  _ adorable _ note when Kyungsoo came into the kitchen, hands full of bloody tissues.

 “I’m guessing last night was nice?” Kyungsoo asked as he threw the waste away.

 “It was more than nice, Soo,” Baekhyun said with a dreamy sigh, hugging the younger from behind. “It’s been a long time since I was fucked so properly, yet gently…”

 With a groan, Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes, grimacing.

 “Do you really have to say it like that? Can’t you spare me the details?”

 Laughing, Baekhyun spun Kyungsoo around, holding him at an arm’s length. “Of course not! Shared happiness is double happiness! He was so careful, yet brutal…”

 “Uh-huh, I can see that,” Kyungsoo said in a dry voice, pointing towards Baekhyun’s neck.

 Frowning, Baekhyun released his friend and headed for his nearest mirror. Looking at the reddened and purplish patches of skin all over his neck and collarbones, a slight flush actually crept up Baekhyun’s cheeks.

 “Wow… He really went to town, I don’t remember even half of these…,” Baekhyun mumbled, mostly to himself. As he gently touched one of the bruises, a shiver went down his spine.

 “It’s good that you had a great time,” Kyungsoo said, coming up behind Baekhyun and patting him on the back. “Felt like you needed it.”

 “Oh, I had more than a great time,” Baekhyun drawled, wiggling his eyebrows, and laughing as Kyungsoo made a disgusted face.

 But really, Baekhyun was feeling a bit sad that Chanyeol had left without saying goodbye. Because even though they did not know each other prior to the night before, it had still been nice.  _ Very _ nice. Something that Baekhyun had missed for some time now.

 At least Chanyeol had left a note and not just disappeared without a word...


	2. Chapter 2

 “So he just fell asleep after you had sex?” Kris asked, taking a sip of his beer. “Wow. I mean, sure, all guys seem to like sleeping after sex, but to just pass out like that? Before sending you home?”

 Chanyeol shrugged, playing with the condensation on his bottle. “I mean, he was drunk also, so… Can’t really blame him... But I don’t know, it felt very… Impersonal.”

 Kris stopped with his beer raised halfways to his mouth, looking over at Chanyeol.

 “It was a one-night stand. Those are kind of impersonal? Wait, hold on, did you wish it was more? Are you  _ crushing _ on this guy? After  _ one _ one-night stand?” Kris asked, putting down his beer as a disbelieving smile crept onto his face. “No way. No fucking way? Honestly, Park, isn’t that a bit… I don’t know, early? Did you even have a real conversation? Do you even know his name?”

 “Baekhyun,” Chanyeol mumbled, feeling a bit ashamed. It was true, they had barely talked… “I don’t know, I just feel… I feel like I want to take care of him, in a loving way, sort of?”

 “Last name?” Kris asked, but as Chanyeol kept quiet, he began to laugh. “You don’t know his last name? Yeah, okay, no. Stop it right there. You fucked, it was good, endorphins were flowing, and now you’re just feeling the after-effects of it. Until you guys actually have a real conversation and learn some stuff about each other, you can’t fall for him. You’re attracted to his looks and you’re a generally caring person, that’s all there is to it. Slow down, man, take it easy.”

 Chanyeol nodded through Kris’ entire lecture, knowing the older was right. It was stupid to think he was falling for someone he had spent a night with, without even really talking. But at the same time… Chanyeol was  _ definitely _ feeling something for Baekhyun, and it could not just be physical attraction, right?

 Right?

 The beers kept coming, and Chanyeol’s thoughts kept spinning. During a short moment, he started to suspect Kris was trying to get him drunk - since Kris rarely paid, and especially not in a bar - but Chanyeol soon pushed these thoughts away in favor of others. Thoughts that were not as nice.

 Thoughts that were not helped when Chanyeol finally spotted Baekhyun, in the crowd and dancing and laughing with the two guys that had walked in on them last time. Well, they looked like they were having a great time! And not even going over to say hello? Chanyeol had asked Baekhyun to not be a stranger, and Baekhyun had probably seen Chanyeol as soon as he stepped inside of the club…

 Grumbling to himself, Chanyeol turned towards his beer - was it his fifth? Tenth? - and took a long drag of it.

 

 Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol right from the moment he stepped inside of the club. Baekhyun had almost tripped over his own  _ feet _ as soon as he saw Chanyeol, and Baekhyun never did that. Baekhyun might not be the most gracious person, but he was far from clumsy!

 Of course it was not that hard to find a silver-haired giant in a club, especially not when he sat by the bar instead of dancing in the crowd. And even though Baekhyun wanted to go over to him and say hello, he did not dare.

 Yes, Byun Baekhyun was a chicken. He had no problems with having sex with a guy he had met just a few minutes earlier (he did have standards, which meant sex with strangers did not happen  _ that _ often), but walking up to said guy a week later - after having realized that that first taste wet his appetite - and try to talk? Ha, sure! He had not even had the guts to use the phone number he had gotten. What if Chanyeol thought he was not interested? Why would he even think that Baekhyun was interested? He fell asleep directly after the sex, did not use the number, and was now more or less ignoring the taller.

 “Loverboy just went towards the bathroom,” Kyungsoo’s voice said in Baekhyun’s ear, waking him from his reverie. Spinning around, Baekhyun could confirm that yes, Chanyeol was indeed heading towards the toilets.

 Was this his chance? To go to where it all began?

 Not stopping to think things through properly, Baekhyun began pushing his way through the crowd.

 

 Chanyeol was not feeling well.

 It was not the alcohol, that he knew. He had not drunk  _ that _ much, and he felt different from how he felt when he was obliterated. No, there was something wrong with his heart and lungs.

 Baekhyun’s presence seemed to weigh heavier and heavier on him, making him feel as if he could not breathe properly, and the need to go to the shorter and pull him into his embrace made his heart race. No, Chanyeol was not feeling well at all, and he needed some space to just… Relax.

 As soon as he stepped inside of that nasty-smelling room, though, Chanyeol regretted it. There was a spider web-like crack in the mirror in one of the corners, and Chanyeol could almost  _ feel _ Baekhyun’s nails against his skin, scraping over sensitive nipples… Blood rushed downwards, and Chanyeol groaned at his treacherous body.

 Then the door swung open, and Chanyeol could see familiar black hair and familiar twinkling eyes in the mirror - though the eyes were dark this time, not blue.

 “Oh, hello, stranger,” Baekhyun said, a small smile tugging at his lips, and Chanyeol instantly grinned back, unable to control his facial muscles.

 “Fancy meeting you here,” Chanyeol said, and that exquisite deep voice paired with that scrumptious body and that striking face sent shivers down Baekhyun’s spine.

 How could you want to push a person up against a wall and lick their entire body, but at the same time want to have a serious discussion about everything between heaven and earth? Because that was exactly what Baekhyun felt like doing. Could you do both?

 “Did you see?” Chanyeol asked, and Baekhyun let his eyes follow that very well-muscled arm down to those long fingers, lingering slightly, remembering, before continuing on to see what he was pointing towards.

 Laughing, Baekhyun stepped closer, letting his fingers follow one of the hairline cracks his back had made a week ago.

 “It actually did crack! I wondered, but I was a bit too occupied to look…,” Baekhyun said, his voice trailing off as an enticing heat suddenly hit his back, and he looked up, meeting ravenous eyes in the mirror.

 “I would say I’m sorry, but…,” Chanyeol said, his lips turning into a smirk that sent Baekhyun’s stomach plummeting. “I’m not really sorry.”

 “Me neither,” Baekhyun breathed, and the next moment, large hands held his hips in place as plump lips attached themselves to his throat, next to the fading lovebites.

 All sanity flew from Baekhyun’s mind as he let his head fall back, giving in to the sucking and biting and kissing. Oh, well. They could always have serious discussions after everything urgent was taken care off.

 Strongs arms wrapped around his waist, and Baekhyun clenched his hands on the counter, trying to find something to hold on to. There was nothing, and he sunk deeper into the lust, mind growing even more hazy.

 “I swear I’m not trying to use you, and I’m sorry,” Chanyeol mumbled against Baekhyun’s skin, “but your place?”

 Too caught up in his desire, Baekhyun could only nod, breathy moan escaping from his lips.

 

 This time, they did not even make it to the bedroom. They collapsed in a tangle on the sofa, clothes half torn off. The now almost familiar smell of Chanyeol somehow both calmed and fired Baekhyun up, and he tried to take in as much of it as possible. Unfortunately, with Chanyeol’s fingers drawing scorching patterns over Baekhyun’s tingling skin, it was pretty hard to inhale deeply.

 Actually, it was impossible, as Baekhyun’s breath kept hitching in his throat and coming out in small huffs.

 “No contacts today?” Chanyeol asked a bit breathlessly as Baekhyun crawled over him, pressing kisses to his collarbones.

 “No, since I forgot to remove them last time, they made me eyes hurt really bad,” Baekhyun mumbled against skin that was on fire.

 “Shame, but you’re -  _ ah! _ \- pretty without them, too,” Chanyeol gasped, his fingers digging into the flesh of the shorter’s hips.

 Sitting up in shock, Baekhyun tried to ignore the way his belly flip-flopped at the comment. Not dipping as when he got turned on, but flip-flopping like how they described excitement in books.

 “Thank you,” Baekhyun answered, a bright, rectangular-shaped smile on his lips, and Chanyeol tried to ignore the way his belly gave a flip-flop at the smile.

 Smirking, Chanyeol sat up, fisting his hand in Baekhyun’s hair and pulling his head back, before giving that beautiful throat a long lick that had the shorter shuddering against him.

 “You’re most welcome,” Chanyeol purred against the soft skin, before beginning to nibble at it.

Mouth falling open, Baekhyun growled low in his throat, grinding himself against the taller to try to ease the pressure.

 They reached for each other’s flies simultaneously, their combined desire egging them to act. Impatient fingers slipped into underwear, pushing them down, until they were both freed and accessible.

 “ _ Please _ ,” Chanyeol breathed against Baekhyun’s neck, as he placed the shorter’s fingers over himself, gasping at the contact. Immediately, Baekhyun wrapped his fingers around the thick length, and the favor was soon repaid as Chanyeol did the same to Baekhyun.

 Faces buried into the crocks of each other’s necks, they pumped each other as they chased release. Fingers slid over skin, dug into flesh, clawed red marks, as their breathing became more and more shallow, heartbeats echoing in their ears.

 Baekhyun gave a whimper, body growing stiff, before he came, shudders taking over him. The increased pressure from Baekhyun’s slender hand was all it took to fling Chanyeol over the edge, and with an open-mouthed gasp, he joined the shorter in painting their torsos.

 “I… I don’t think… I can move…,” Baekhyun gasped, chest heaving.

 “Are you falling asleep on me again?” Chanyeol asked with a chuckle, his voice hoarse, as his arm came to rest around the other’s waist.

 Resting his head on the taller’s shoulder, Baekhyun chuckled.

 “Maybe… Not my fault you’re so comfortable… Though the stickiness feels nasty…”

 Letting go of Baekhyun and earning himself a small moan, Chanyeol wrapped both arms around the shorter and stood up with him in his arms. Not listening to the other’s protests, Chanyeol walked into the bathroom and gently placed Baekhyun down onto the toilet, reaching for a wash cloth.

 Tutting, Baekhyun took it from Chanyeol’s hands, ignoring the attempts to reclaim it.

 “No, it’s my turn!” Baekhyun explained as he took a hold of the taller’s jeans and yanked him forwards. “You cleaned us up last time,  _ since I fell asleep _ , so it’s my turn to clean us up now.”

 Chuckling softly, Chanyeol left himself in the care of Baekhyun, lightly patting the shorter’s head.

 “Thank you,” he mumbled, earning himself a cute smile that made his heart skip a beat.

 

 “Shit,” Chanyeol muttered as they were getting dressed again. Baekhyun looked up at him. “Kris, my friend, he got into a fight, apparently… I have to go...”

 “Kris? Is he the other giant?” Baekhyun asked.

 “Who’s the first giant?” Chanyeol asked, amused as he scrolled through his phone.

 Baekhyun, who had put on a large hoodie, looked up at the taller from beneath the hood. “Uh, you?”

 Chanyeol stopped scrolling to look down at the (adorable) man in front of him, grinning.

 “I’m not a giant, you’re just short,” he teased, leaning down so that he was eye-level with Baekhyun.

 “Hey, I’m pretty tall for being Asian, you’re freakishly tall!” Baekhyun muttered, putting on a cute pout that made him look even younger than normal.

 “That’s not nice, calling me freakish,” Chanyeol said with a matching pout, and Baekhyun had to admit that it was pretty formidable.

 Not really thinking, Baekhyun leaned forwards and licked Chanyeol’s pouty lips, before straightening up again.

 “No, I called your  _ height _ freakish, not you,” Baekhyun clarified, as Chanyeol tried to gather himself from the surprise lick.

 “I just realized what you remind me of,” Chanyeol mumbled, licking his lips, and Baekhyun would lie if he said the action did not hit him straight in the gut. “You remind me of a puppy. A cute little energetic puppy!”

 Scowling, Baekhyun took a step back.

 “Weren’t you leaving?” he said in an icy tone, making Chanyeol laugh.

 “Don’t be mad at me, I like puppies!” Chanyeol said, placing his hands on Baekhyun’s cheeks and squishing them together. “Puppies are the best! But yes, I have to go, Kris might look intimidating, but he’s not good at fighting.”

 Baekhyun, whose cheeks were still squished, put his tongue out towards Chanyeol, and just as he realized what a bad idea it was, Chanyeol leaned forwards, catching the tongue with his teeth. Applying light pressure that made Baekhyun’s stomach drop, Chanyeol then released Baekhyun’s tongue, before leaning further forwards and aggressively kissing the shorter man.

 When Chanyeol pulled back, Baekhyun’s head was spinning, and he felt a bit unsteady on his feet.

 “Bye, you sexy little puppy,” Chanyeol whispered into Baekhyun’s ear, making him shiver, before picking up his jacket and heading for the door.

 It took some time for Baekhyun’s brain to restart and actually register what Chanyeol had said, and by that time, Chanyeol had already opened the door.

 “I’m not a puppy,” Baekhyun protested weakly, and Chanyeol just laughed, before heading out of the apartment and closing the door after him.

 When the taller was gone, Baekhyun sat down on the sofa, feeling strangely cold and… empty inside. He knew he was already missing Chanyeol, and he felt almost as if he had been just used and discarded. Which he basically had been. He was just another lay, another one-night stand.

 Not that Baekhyun was not basically doing the same. He was also using Chanyeol for a quick release, he did not even know the taller’s last name. He wanted to know more, and yet, there he was, after another fuck, still without any deeper knowledge.

 Groaning, Baekhyun put his head in his hands. What was he doing?

 

 Strangely enough, the fresh air did not help Chanyeol breathe easier. Rather, the further away he got from Baekhyun’s smile, the harder it was.

 He was feeling rather horrible, yet again just leaving like that without doing anything other than having sex. Like as if he was just using Baekhyun. Chanyeol had wanted to stay a little longer, talk a little, seeing as Baekhyun was actually awake this time around.

 It did not take long before Chanyeol was back at the club, scowling as he walked over to where Kris was standing, a bouncer by his side. The older was pressing a thumb against his lip and grimacing, and Chanyeol could see some blood.

 “You’re a fucking idiot,” was the first thing Chanyeol said as he arrived by Kris’ side. The bouncer gave him an amused half-smile, before leaving them.

 Kris glanced up at him with a small frown, tongue going over his split lip, wincing in pain, and it brought some satisfaction to Chanyeol.

 “Getting some is supposed to make you happy, Park,” Kris muttered, pushing himself up from where he had stood leaned against the wall, wincing yet again as he straightened up. “So why are you pissed?”

 “Because I could’ve been lying in a warm bed cuddling right now, but instead I’m here, helping your stupid ass,” Chanyeol bit out, sighing as he saw Kris try to hobble forwards. “Jeez, come on, let me help you…”

 At least Kris looked a bit sheepish as he threw an arm around Chanyeol’s shoulders, and they began to slowly make their way towards Kris’ place.

 “I guess I kinda got in the way of your getting to know him, huh?” Kris mumbled after a while, Chanyeol grunting. “Sorry about that…”

 Chanyeol just sighed and shook his head. “Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe it’s not meant to be.”


	3. Chapter 3

 Baekhyun did not know what he was supposed to do. And the indecision stressed him out so badly he could barely stand it.

 Should he go to the club, or should he not?

 Because on one side, Baekhyun  _ really _ wanted to see Chanyeol. There was just something about the taller that made Baekhyun feel so happy, and Baekhyun wanted to keep him close.

 But that also terrified Baekhyun, because so far, he had not really gotten any indication that Chanyeol was feeling even a smidgen of the same, and that might mean that Baekhyun was setting himself up for getting hurt. So maybe he should stay away, keep away from temptation and distance his heart to keep it intact.

 Unfortunately, Baekhyun had never been good with temptations, and he found himself in the nightclub come Saturday night.

 

 Chanyeol was feeling apprehensive.

 Two times, he had left Baekhyun’s apartment and making it seem like he did not care about the shorter, only enjoying the sex. That was very far from the truth, but life seemed to be working against him, and now Chanyeol could not help but think that Baekhyun must have a horrible impression of him.

 Sure, people had one-night stands all the time, and it was acceptable to just help each other out and then leave, but Chanyeol wanted  _ more _ . And the thought that Baekhyun did not see that, not to mention the thought that Baekhyun did not want that and was completely okay with how things were, hurt. It hurt a lot.

 So Chanyeol had been a bit hesitant about going to the nightclub that Saturday. Because he really wanted to see Baekhyun, but at the same time, maybe it was for the best that they ended it now, before Chanyeol could start hoping too much, get too attached.

 Of course, Chanyeol was not strong enough to keep away.

 

 “Maybe you should slow down with the drinking, Baek?”

 Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo with a pained wince, taking another sip of his drink.

 “Can’t, too nervous, using alcohol as a coping mechanism,” Baekhyun mumbled, groaning quietly.

 “What’s the point of coming here and meeting Chanyeol, and hopefully actually having a real and deep conversation this time, if you’re going to be absolutely smashed?” Jongin asked from where he was standing behind Kyungsoo, arms around the shorter to protect from people getting too close.

 Baekhyun found it cute, how protective Jongin want, and there he went getting even more depressed over the thought of wanting it himself, time for some more alcohol…

 “I acknowledge your logic, and I might have decided to slow down a little,” Baekhyun said as he put the drink down again.

 “I don’t think slowing down makes a difference now,” Kyungsoo muttered, sighing a little. “Can you at least drink some water?”

 But Baekhyun was not listening anymore, having noticed someone. Standing up, Baekhyun stumbled a little as all that he had had to drink washed over him and brought him to full drunkenness, before he clumsily patted Kyungsoo’s cheek.

 “Be back in a yiffy, or not, going to the bathroom.”

 

 Chanyeol had barely stepped into the club, this time sans Kris, before he was more or less attacked by a drunk Baekhyun.

 “Chanyeollie,” Baekhyun purred, looking so dark and debauched, a smirk on his lips. “Be a gentleman and help me to the toilet, will you?”

 Not really having any choice, Chanyeol was dragged through the crowd, a few times having to stabilize Baekhyun as the shorter was pushed around by people. A bit worried, Chanyeol ended up placing his hands on Baekhyun’s hips and assisting the shorter in walking, until they finally reached the bathroom.

 Immediately, Baekhyun spun around and fisted his hands in Chanyeol’s shirt, yanking him down to smash their lips together, stealing Chanyeol’s oxygen and making him feel dizzy.

 Baekhyun was tasting of alcohol and that strange dark unexplainable flavor that left Chanyeol wanting more, wanting to savor it. Baekhyun was simply addictive, and Chanyeol just could not get enough.

 “Mm, I’ve missed you,” Baekhyun hummed as he pulled back a little, licking his lips and inadvertently licking Chanyeol’s as well, his words having Chanyeol’s heart stutter. “Insane how quickly your kisses set me on fire… Like you were created especially for getting me off…”

 And just like that, Chanyeol came crashing down, a bucket of cold water being dumped over his head, ice running through his veins. All of a sudden, he felt nauseous, barely able to kiss back as Baekhyun pulled him down yet again.

 Well, that was a revelation.

 Baekhyun pulled back yet again, chuckling a little this time.

 “I think I might need to keep you…”

 And once more, Chanyeol’s heart was stuttering, his mind so confused. What? What did Baekhyun mean? Keep Chanyeol around as a fuck buddy, or something else? Was there hope? Or not?

 Perplexed, Chanyeol did not know what to do but to be dragged down under by Baekhyun, the shorter’s fingers and lips able to pull him under completely. It was almost scary the effect Baekhyun had on him, even when he was so confused and honestly upset...

 

 Baekhyun knew something was off, he could  _ feel _ it. Both in his soul and in Chanyeol’s touch. But his brain was too muddled for him to actually understand what it was, so he ignored it, decided to think about it later, when he was not as drunk, or as high on Chanyeol.

 Because at the moment, his entire being was rather occupied with Chanyeol, and he sunk deep into it. He had missed it, and was going to make sure that it lasted as long as possible, and was as good as possible.

 Annoyed by the tightness of his pants and how they were almost cutting off his blood circulation, Baekhyun dragged Chanyeol out of the bathroom, and once more through the crowd. The heat was dizzying, the atmosphere even more so, and adding to that his arousal, and it was becoming a bit too much for Baekhyun. He needed to get out as soon as possible.

 Speeding up, he was almost running out of the club, sighing as the cool air hit his face. He was feeling clammy, but the light rain helped a little, and he felt renewed as he set off towards his apartment, Chanyeol still in tow.

 

 Baekhyun was feeling so strange. He did not know if it had anything to do with the alcohol, or Chanyeol - or maybe the combination of both - but he was just feeling so strange. Scared, almost.

 Feeling like he needed reassurance that he could only get through closeness, he quickly pulled Chanyeol close as soon as they were behind closed doors.

 “Touch me, please, I need it,” Baekhyun whispered into an ear, hearing himself how desperate he sounded, feeling the shiver course through Chanyeol’s body.

 It was almost hesitant, the way Chanyeol placed his hands on Baekhyun’s hips, and Baekhyun wondered if he was coming across as too desperate, too clingy, and if that scared Chanyeol.

 If it scared Chanyeol how attached Baekhyun seemed.

 But Baekhyun did not linger too long in those thoughts as Chanyeol’s hand slid around to his lower back, pulling him closer against a warm body, lips catching his own. It was almost  _ sweet _ , and it had Baekhyun close to sobbing.

 Because Baekhyun was almost feeling  _ loved _ . As if Chanyeol cared about more than just fucking, and Baekhyun wished so much that it was so, but he was too afraid to hope. Of course, hope was not known for being easily tamed, but Baekhyun wished that if he pretended hard enough that he was not hoping, that his heart would not break when his hope was squashed.

 Tangling his fingers into Chanyeol’s hair, Baekhyun tugged at it, earning himself a hiss. He felt bad about it, rather awful, because it hurt to think that he was hurting Chanyeol, but as Chanyeol’s fingers suddenly dug into his backside, Baekhyun began to breathe a bit easier.

 Bodily pain he could handle. A soft heart about to break, he could not.

 “Sofa,” Baekhyun demanded, even though it sounded like a plea. But Chanyeol still picked him up and carried him there, still responding to it, and that was all that mattered.

 As soon as Baekhyun was down on the sofa, he began to fiddle with his pants, grunting as he tried to get them off.

 “They’re killing me,” Baekhyun muttered, finally managing to get them undone and halfway down his thighs before he noticed that Chanyeol was merely watching him.

 Somehow managing to get up on knees without falling over, Baekhyun used the belt loops on Chanyeol’s jeans to pull him close, hands quickly disappearing beneath Chanyeol’s shirt.

 “You okay?” Baekhyun asked, blinking up at Chanyeol, unable to read the taller whatsoever. “Want to stop?”

 Chanyeol was silent for a while longer, long enough for Baekhyun to start to drop his hands and pull back. As his hands were almost mid-thigh, Baekhyun saw how Chanyeol bit down on his lower lip, something in his eyes, before he slowly shook his head.

 “No, I’m fine,” Chanyeol whispered, voice all raspy, and it had Baekhyun shiver.

 Nodding and licking his lips, mouth a bit dry because of this little warning that he could not decipher in the back of his head, Baekhyun let his hands slide up once more, graze over the bulge and earning a low gasp. Taking a hold of Chanyeol’s shirt, Baekhyun pulled it up as far as he could, before Chanyeol helped him get it off.

 Baekhyun loved Chanyeol’s body. It was so beautiful, and Baekhyun felt like worshiping it every time he saw it. So he gave in to that instinct, and leaned in to lick a stripe following the light dusting of hair from just above the waistband and all the way up to Chanyeol’s navel, quickly flickering into it.

 Wanting to give Chanyeol more, Baekhyun undid his pants and pulled them down, taking the boxers with them on the way. Chanyeol was only half-hard, and it sort of hurt Baekhyun’s pride a little. But he was sure to make up for it, wrapping a hand around it, before starting to suck on the head. It earned him a groan from Chanyeol, and it was like music to Baekhyun’s ears.

 Baekhyun loved when he managed to draw responses out of Chanyeol, be it groans, moans, gasps - whatever. When Chanyeol’s fingers dug into his flesh, when Chanyeol’s hips moved even as the taller tried to hold back, when Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun so close that Baekhyun could barely breathe, that was when Baekhyun felt like he was on cloud nine. When he felt like Chanyeol cared, gave him hope, and even if that was dangerous, Baekhyun could not stop himself.

 Fingers fisted in his hair, pulling a little, but Baekhyun merely hummed at it, not caring about the smarting almost-pain. He knew that meant he was doing a good job, and he basked in the unsaid praise.

 A hand took a hold of his chin, pulling Baekhyun back and off of Chanyeol, and he blinked up at the taller. There was still something strange in Chanyeol’s eyes, something Baekhyun did not like, but as Chanyeol connected their lips in a deep kiss, Baekhyun closed his eyes and ignored it. He ignored all of his instincts screaming at him that something was wrong; not only with Chanyeol, but himself as well.

 Because Baekhyun wanted this, he wanted the lie if that was all it was.

 “Turn around,” Chanyeol whispered against Baekhyun’s lips, before straightening up and partially tucking himself in, heading in the direction of Baekhyun’s bedroom. And Baekhyun knew exactly why, not questioning it, but doing as told. It did not take long before Chanyeol was back.

 It was almost a relief when Chanyeol’s fingers slipped inside, making Baekhyun let out a shaky breath. When Chanyeol tugged Baekhyun’s shirt out of the way to be able to nuzzle into Baekhyun’s neck, nibbling a little, Baekhyun could pretend that this was something more than just a one-night stand. Several-night stand. A fuckbuddy arrangement between practically strangers.

 Carding his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair, Baekhyun cradled the tallers nape, holding him as close as he could as Chanyeol drove him insane. Today it was slow, in a strange way - everything was strange lately. But slow meant it could be interpreted as caring, and Baekhyun let the haze of alcohol mixed with pleasure carry him away.

 As usual, Chanyeol made sure that Baekhyun felt good, made sure that he came first, as usual finishing up second. Another thing that let Baekhyun be able to believe that there was something more.

 But as usual, Chanyeol quickly crushed that, after having helped Baekhyun clean up a little, Baekhyun a boneless mess on the sofa thanks to Chanyeol’s skills.

 “Gotta go,” Chanyeol mumbled as he left a quick peck on Baekhyun’s cheek before disappearing, Baekhyun quickly sobering up as he realized that he had yet again been left after the act, discarded like a fleshlight after playtime.

 And it hurt.

 But he still wanted more. Always more. To think that the sin to destroy him was going to be greed, huh...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the probable mess, tired at the moment, but I did my best! /sobs


	4. Chapter 4

 Four more times, Baekhyun and Chanyeol met and had sex.

 Fingers digging into flesh, teeth into skin, grinding lap dances, blowjobs, clutched hands against walls. Baekhyun’s hip bones suffered bruises from being pounded into tables and counters, and Chanyeol’s back almost always bore red scratch marks. But the worst injuries were the ones on their hearts.

 Every time Chanyeol initiated sex, he apologized and promised Baekhyun he was not trying to use the other man. Baekhyun never apologized or promised anything, because he knew the truth. He knew that they both used each other for warmth and satisfaction. He knew it was quickly eating away at his sanity, as he wished for more. He knew that it would never become more than a carnal relationship. And it slowly broke Baekhyun’s heart.

 Chanyeol hated the fact that he was the only one apologizing, as if Baekhyun actually  _ was _ using Chanyeol, and those thoughts just grew with every encounter. But the worst was when Chanyeol overheard a discussion between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo in the toilet, a conversation that had obviously been about him.

 He had been looking for the shorter, wanting to feel his beautiful hands on him to soothe away the pain for a moment. Because Baekhyun could make Chanyeol feel loved, even if it just lasted for a short time. Chanyeol tried to tell himself that it was all he needed, even though he knew it was not. It was probably making things worse, but Chanyeol also tried to tell himself that he would handle that particular situation when it arose.

 Chanyeol had heard Baekhyun’s melodic voice, but before he had had the time to storm inside, he had heard one of the most painful things in his life.

 “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I really don’t need that right now.”

 The words cut through Chanyeol, and he took a deep, shaky breath. He had suspected that the shorter had used him for his own satisfaction, but to actually hear it being confirmed like that, to have your hope utterly crushed?

 It fucking hurt.

 Not being able to hear more, Chanyeol quickly turned and walked away, ignoring the sound of his own heart breaking.

 

 On the other side of the toilet door, Baekhyun was sitting on the counter - in the exact same spot he had made out with Chanyeol the first time - with Kyungsoo standing next to him.

 “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I really don’t need that right now,” Baekhyun said, absently fidgeting with some stray threads on his sleeve.

 “I know,” Kyungsoo mumbled. “But?”

 “But,” Baekhyun said, taking a deep breath and letting go of his sleeve, looking up at Kyungsoo. “I found it anyway. I’m not looking for a relationship, but I found the perfect man. They say you’ll find what you’re looking for when you stop looking, but I always thought it was bullshit you said to make people feel better. And now I don’t know what to do…”

 Kyungsoo smiled a sympathetic smile that annoyed Baekhyun slightly. “I mean… Baek, you’ve basically just had sex, nothing more. Maybe you should get to know each other, I don’t know, maybe go on a date or something? You need to learn some things about each other, even if you’ll just continue like… Well, fuck buddies, I guess.”

 “I don’t think he wants that… I think he likes us just like this, intimate but not personal. There’s truly no ties between us,” Baekhyun said, a dark smile on his lips. “He can just walk away whenever, not having to worry about hurting my feelings, because as far as he’s concerned, I don’t have any except for desire for his dick. That’s pretty tragic, actually…”

 

 Kris found Chanyeol sitting on the steps to his house, several hours later. Squatting down in front of the younger, Kris waited for him to start talking, but Chanyeol kept his mouth closed, eyes faraway.

 “How long have you been sitting here?” Kris mumbled after a few minutes.

 Shrugging, Chanyeol looked up towards the sky. “A while. Don’t know. Don’t care.”

 Sighing, Kris dragged a hand through his hair, moving to sit down next to Chanyeol.

 “Let me guess,” he drawled. “This has something to do with Baekhyun?”

 Chanyeol just nodded.

 “Park, seriously, I don’t know why you even bother with him. Honestly, to him it seems like you’re just another fuck, whilst you keep hurting yourself by going back over and over again. Why not just stop it now, before it gets even more serious?”

 “What can I say?” Chanyeol chuckled darkly, putting a hand over his eyes. “For just a small moment I get to feel like he loves me, and even though it kills me, I fucking love it! I can’t let him be, I can’t stand not feeling him, even if it’s just for a few stolen moments… I heard him saying that he’s not looking for a relationship tonight. I already sort of knew it, but it still hurt…”

 Kris looked at Chanyeol with eyes filled with sympathy, and Chanyeol did not know if he wanted to punch the older, or cry on his shoulder.

 “I’m sorry, Yeollie. I really am. I mean, you’re in deeper than you logically should be, but I’m still sorry,” Kris said, pulling Chanyeol into a one-armed hug.

 Sighing, Chanyeol let his head fall onto the older’s shoulder, closing his eyes. He just felt so  _ tired _ .

 

 Baekhyun was, for once, being dragged to the club by Kyungsoo and Jongin, instead of the other way around. He was not feeling like going, and had not even lined his eyes tonight. He just wanted to stay home, sulk, and eat some ice cream. Or a lot.

 “It’ll be worth it, trust me!” Kyungsoo said for the tenth time as they entered the club. Immediately, Baekhyun felt like searching out Chanyeol in the crowd, but he forced himself not to. No matter how much he wanted to feel the taller’s amazing warmth, Baekhyun was not feeling up for pretending not to like him for another lay.

 As Baekhyun was about to snap something at Kyungsoo, two warm hands laid themselves over his eyes, and Baekhyun froze. For the barest of moments, he thought it was Chanyeol, but then he realized that the hands were too small.

 And then he remembered the only person who still did that to him, even though they barely got to meet nowadays.

 “Surprise,” a sweet voice whispered in his ear, and Baekhyun choked on his own breath.

 “Jongdae?” he croaked, pulling the hands away and turning around to find his best friend standing there, cat-like smile making his eyes almost disappear. “Babe!”

 Jongdae laughed as Baekhyun flung himself at him, but nevertheless caught him. It had been so long, several months, since Baekhyun had last hugged Jongdae, and it felt  _ so good _ to be able to do it again. Especially now.

 “Hey, Baek, have you missed me?” Jongdae teased, and Baekhyun made a noise halfway between a snort and a sob.

 Yes, Baekhyun was almost crying, the emotional rollercoaster he had been on lately taking its toll on him.

 “Of course I missed you, you idiot!” Baekhyun said, pulling back and cupping Jongdae’s cheeks. “I haven’t seen you in ages! You’re too busy for your own best friend! Tragedy! Scandal!”

 “It’s good to see you haven’t lost your diva personality,” Jongdae said, placing his own hands over Baekhyun’s and smiling a bit more softly now. “Soo said you were having a hard time, and I was worried, but you seem almost fine at least. That’s good.”

 Biting his lower lip to force the tears away, Baekhyun once more threw himself at his best friend, holding the man as close as he could.

 “I really, really missed you, Dae,” Baekhyun whispered, not trusting his voice. “I missed you so much, and so much has happened, and you weren’t here…”

 Hands came up to rub Baekhyun’s back, to soothe and relax. “But I’m here now, Baek. You can tell me all about it, and I’ll listen and help as well as I can. I promise, I’m all yours for tonight.”

 

 A few meters away, Chanyeol heard Baekhyun’s voice exclaim something sounding suspiciously alike ‘babe’, and turning, the taller could see said man more or less jumping onto a guy Chanyeol had never seen before.

 A nasty feeling settled in his stomach, and it grew as Chanyeol watched Baekhyun cup the other man’s cheeks, eyes twinkling like fucking stars. Another hug, and this time the other man rubbed Baekhyun’s back in an obviously soothing manner - in a way Chanyeol had learned calmed Baekhyun down. And Chanyeol had learned that during one of the few times he stayed the night, and Baekhyun had had a bad dream.

 How did this man know that? Why was Baekhyun clinging to this man so much? Why did Baekhyun look like he was seeing the fucking sun after months of darkness?

 The nasty feelings kept growing, until Chanyeol did not know what to do with himself anymore. He forced himself to look away from the painful scene, but it did not take long before he looked back again, staring straight into the new guy’s eyes, and that was when he recognized who it was.

 Chen. Solo singer who had hit it big in both South Korea and China, who was predicted to have a long and fulfilling career, maybe even making it in Japan.

 Fuck. Just his fucking luck. Chanyeol had  _ nothing _ on Chen, nothing at all. If Chen was Baekhyun’s lover… Chanyeol was doomed. All hope was lost. All hope had been lost a long time ago, but this plunged him straight into the territory of despair, there was no way Chanyeol could overcome someone like Chen.

 Looking away from the singer, Chanyeol knocked back the rest of his drink, before making his way towards the exit. Fuck this. He did not want or need this right now. Not ever, really, but especially not now.

 

 “I have to say, Baek, he sort of does look like your type,” Jongdae mumbled. “You’ve always liked being cuddled, and he looks like he can- oh, shit!”

 “What?” Baekhyun asked, eyes widening.

 “I accidentally locked eyes with him,” Jongdae answered, eyes glancing over to Baekhyun. “Oh, he just drank his entire drink and got up to leave… Do you think it was because of me?”

 Baekhyun frowned, glancing after the giant’s retreating back. “Why would it be because of you?”

 Jongdae looked over at Baekhyun once more, biting his lower lip and looking like he was debating something.

 “Maybe he was jealous,” he finally said, and Baekhyun’s frown deepened.

 “Why would he be jealous?” Baekhyun asked, unsure laugh spilling from his lips. “Our relationship is purely sexual, we’re not exclusive or anything, and you’re my  _ best friend _ .”

 “What if he wants more? What if he wants you to be exclusive? Have you talked to him about it?”

 Baekhyun looked away from Jongdae’s searching eyes, shaking his head slowly.

 “No, because he almost always leaves after we’ve fucked. I learned his last name two weeks ago. I know his body almost inside and out, but I have no idea what his interests are, or anything about his family and friends except for his giant friend having a tendency to get into fights even though he’s not good at fighting, and I’m starting to think that that’s just an excuse to help Chanyeol leave early,” Baekhyun said, trying to keep his voice dry, but a little bit of pain still bled through.

 Jongdae looked at Baekhyun with pity, and Baekhyun was not sure if he liked it. He did not like feeling pitiful, especially not because of a fuck buddy.

 “Come on, let’s get out of here. You still live in the apartment down the road?” Jongdae asked, pulling Baekhyun through the dancing masses, the other nodding. “Great!”

 Baekhyun pulled Jongdae to a stop, looking around. “Wait, what about Soo and Jongin?”

 Chuckling, lips pulling up into the smile that had charmed thousands of fangirls, Jongdae got closer to Baekhyun and turned his head in a direction. Instantly, Baekhyun noticed Jongin through his skillful moves - when the shy boy let loose, he was quite the sexy beast, and tonight was no exception. What Baekhyun did not anticipate, though, was the moves Kyungsoo was pulling. Sure, he knew that the younger was not half-bad, and probably a bit better than Baekhyun himself, but he had not seen him like this before. Even though he was not completely on Jongin’s level, he was much closer than those around them, and they looked like a matching couple. It was quite adorable, if Baekhyun had to be honest.

 “I think they’re fine on their own,” Jongdae whispered in Baekhyun’s ear, and Baekhyun’s lips pulled into a soft, heartfelt smile that was quite rare nowadays.

 With that, Baekhyun let Jongdae take his hand once more and lead him out of the club and over to his apartment.

 

 Chanyeol was standing leaned against the wall outside of the nightclub, just trying to breathe properly as he waited for Kris to answer him, when he saw Baekhyun and Chen go outside. The singer was holding Baekhyun by his hand, and Baekhyun trailed after him like a lovesick puppy or something.

_ But he was Chanyeol’s puppy… _

 Just as fast as the thought had appeared, Chanyeol pushed it away, disgusted by it. No, Baekhyun was not  _ his _ puppy, Baekhyun was his own, and they were not exclusive. They fooled around, and Chanyeol wished for so much more, but Baekhyun did not belong to him on any level.

 And it hurt. It fucking hurt. It hurt too fucking much to be logical, but when was the heart ever logical?

 Chanyeol had fallen for Baekhyun. Even though he had just learned his last name, even though he did not really know anything about his life, it did not matter. Because Chanyeol had fallen in love with that beaming, rectangular smile, with those sparkling eyes that looked like they contained the entire night sky, with cute giggles and breathy moans, with how untamed he could look awake, and how peaceful he looked when sleeping. Chanyeol knew Baekhyun on a deeply carnal level, and that was all it took for the shorter to steal his heart.

 Sliding down the wall, Chanyeol put his head in his hands, trying to understand where it all went wrong. But he knew. He had felt it the first time they met, he had understood back then, he had known that Baekhyun would be dangerous to him.

 And now, here he was, squatting outside of a nightclub and fighting back tears.

 How pathetic was not that?

 

 As soon as they had gotten inside and Jongdae had situated Baekhyun in the sofa, the younger went into the kitchen and returned with Baekhyun’s hidden bottle of tequila.

 “Have you not touched this since last time we got hammered?” Jongdae asked as he sat down next to Baekhyun, placing the bottle on the table in front of them, Baekhyun shaking his head. “Wow. Can alcohol go bad? Oh, well, I guess we’ll find out! See, I’ve come up with a little game for us, okay? You’re going to tell me  _ everything _ about this new fling of yours, and each time you feel like you get emotional or have a hard time getting the words out, you need to drink. At every hesitation I will force you to drink. Got it?”

 Baekhyun pouted, moving the bottle a bit with his toes.

 “That’ll result in only me getting drunk, that’s unfair! When will you drink?”

 Jongdae thought for a while, a finger tapping his pursed lips.

 “How about… I drink every time I make a noise, be it groans of frustrations, words, or whatever?” Jongdae suggested, and Baekhyun gave a grunt of acceptation. “Good, begin!”

 Baekhyun pulled his legs up, knees just beneath his chin, and took a deep breath.

 “Well, it all started a few weeks back. I was at the club, feeling a bit dizzy because of too much alcohol, dancing and warmth, so I went to the toilet to try to get away from it and breathe for just a moment. When I was in there, all of a sudden this literal  _ giant _ walked out of one of the stalls, and I don’t really know what happened. It might have been the alcohol, it might be because he looked so incredibly handsome, I might have been horny, it might have been a combination or all of it, but I just wanted to get a taste of his lips, and the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine, and I was being lifted up onto the countertop.”

 Baekhyun stopped, trying to ignore the shiver that went down his spine as he remembered that hazy first kiss, and how good it had felt. Suddenly, the bottle was in front of his eyes, and he glared at Jongdae.

 “Really?” Baekhyun asked, but Jongdae just shrugged.

 “Doesn’t matter what kind of feeling it was, you were getting emotional,” Jongdae drawled, swinging the bottle back and forth and making the amber liquid swoop against the walls, like a miniature stormy sea.

 Growling, Baekhyun snatched the bottle and took a swig, grimacing and coughing as the drink burned its way down his throat.

 “Fuck, that’s nasty!” he exclaimed, pushing the back of his hand against his lips and placing the bottle on the table again. “I just remembered why I don’t drink tequila…”

 “Get back to your story, or I’ll force you to drink again!” Jongdae threatened, and Baekhyun bared his teeth at the other before clearing his throat.

 “So, we were making out hardcore in the bathroom, and I mean hardcore. I was pushed into the mirror so hard that it cracked and almost came in my pants, when Jongin walked inside to check up on me,” Baekhyun said, giving a chuckle at the memory of the poor boy’s flaming face.

 “No, he almost walked in on you having sex? Poor little Jongin!” Jongdae cooed. But when Baekhyun’s lips spread in a smirk, he gave a sigh, cursing under his breath.

 Lifting the bottle, Jongdae took a mouthful of the horrible liquid, grimacing and coughing, before motioning for Baekhyun to continue.

 “Yes, Jongin almost walked in on me having sex in the bathroom of a nightclub. Almost Kyungsoo, too, but Jongin managed to stop him. That’s when I decided it might be better if I dragged the giant home with me, considering we were both pretty far gone by then. Jongdae, I was pushed up against the door, hands held above my head, and it was so incredibly sexy… I still dream about it! He carried me to my bedroom, being so gentle yet not? He pulled my underwear down with his  _ teeth _ , for fucks sake.”

 Jongdae leaned forwards, taking the bottle, before giving a sigh.

 “That actually sounds really hot, Baek, and I’d rather not have a boner right now, so skip the details, please?” he said, before taking another sip, wiping away a tear from the burning sensation.

 Baekhyun pouted slightly, but continued with the story, not really feeling like drinking.

 “Okay, so we had sex, and it was amazing, and I fell asleep, and when I woke up, he was not there anymore. He cleaned me up, wrote a note with his phone number on it, and left. I accidentally flashed myself to Kyungsoo and almost made Jongin break his own nose - if you laugh you drink - and that was that. He was a one-night stand, and even though he was one hell of an one-night stand and I wouldn’t mind more, that was most of it. I was too chicken to use his phone number, and a week later, we met again at the club. I followed him to the bathroom and he told me he wasn’t using me, but asking if we could go to my place again. That time we got each other off on this sofa - yah, faked puking noises count, drink!”

 Jongdae, who had been grimacing and putting his fingers into his mouth, grumbled some before taking another swig. Luckily, tequila got a bit easier to drink after the third time, so it did not burn as much this time around.

 “Are you done? Good. By then, I knew I wanted to know more, I wanted to talk to him just to see what kind of person he was, because I guess I had already started to fall for him, but after cleaning us up, he had to leave because of his friend getting into a fight, and I still don’t know if that was true, or just an excuse to leave…,” Baekhyun said, jaw tensing and hands fisting in his lap. Jongdae wordlessly held out the bottle for him, and Baekhyun accepted it, actually feeling grateful at the prospect of numbing the pain a little.

 “We’ve slept together five times since then. We don’t talk. We don’t text. We make out and we fuck and that’s it. Each and every time he initiate it, he apologize to me, and it makes me feel like shit, because I know he’s just using me. I do the same to him. I use him, because for a small moment, I feel  _ loved _ , and it feels amazing. For a little while I can pretend that he loves me and not just desires me. Until the deed is done, and he runs off to save his friend, or whatever stupid excuse he has… And leave me feeling all empty and cold inside, until the next time he touch me.”

 Jongdae had now moved closer, putting an arm around Baekhyun’s lightly trembling shoulders and pulling him close.

 “I think you need to end this, Baek. Either break it off, or talk to him about your feelings. You can’t keep this up, you’ll destroy yourself,” Jongdae mumbled. “This is not healthy.”

 “Oh, I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t stay away from him. I just wanted to indulge, and each and every time he beckons, I return, because I crave his touch and kisses and warmth and everything. I don’t want to destroy something that good between us.”

 Jongdae gave a humorless laugh, shaking his head.

 “Don’t you see, it’s not a good thing! Most of the time, you feel like shit, until you get your next high, and after that, you fall down again. You’re like an addict, Baekhyun, and there’s nothing good about your relationship. Nothing good at all.”

 Baekhyun slumped in Jongdae’s embrace, already knowing the words, but not having really listened to them before. Jongdae would not let him lie to himself, Jongdae would not let him ignore reality, and Baekhyun partially hated him for it.

 “You need to do something, Baek,” Jongdae mumbled softly. “Either break it off, or tell him. It’s up to you, just do  _ something _ .”

 Tears gathered in Baekhyun’s eyes, and he felt so pathetic.

 Really, what was he doing? Why was Byun Baekhyun crying over a one-night stand?


	5. Chapter 5

 Chanyeol knew he was an idiot. It was clear he was, so why try to deny it? He should stop, he should break it off now, yet he once more found himself in the same club, in the same seat by the bar. Kris had asked him to come, which surprised Chanyeol a bit, but it had been an easy excuse for Chanyeol to use to see Baekhyun again.

 Which was stupid, but Chanyeol had already established that he was an idiot, so. Here he was.

 It had actually been weeks since he had been in the club. Since the time Baekhyun left with  _ Chen _ , and Chanyeol had broken down outside. Maybe the time in between had helped him get over the little puppy a little bit.

 Or maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder?

 Chanyeol was sitting with both elbows braced on the counter in front of him, holding himself back. He did not want to look around, see Baekhyun in the crowd, having fun, laughing, grinding up against someone, making out. Not that he had seen Baekhyun get up close and personal with someone on the dance floor during the time he had known the shorter, but still. Rather safe than sorry.

 “Are you okay, Yeollie?” a voice asked from next to him, and Chanyeol turned his head to the side. Junmyeon, Kris’ on and off girlfriend, sat there, worry furrowing her forehead.

 “Yeah, I guess so…,” Chanyeol sighed, shaking his head slightly. “Just my heart messing me up a bit. But I’m fine.”

 Junmyeon placed a gentle hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, obviously not convinced, and Chanyeol leaned a bit into her touch. She was kind, truly an angel, and Kris did not deserve her.

 “Kris told me a bit about it… He worries a lot about you as well,” Junmyeon said. “Even though he doesn’t say anything.”

 “He does talk a lot, though, but not about the important stuff,” Chanyeol said with a short snorting laugh, and Junmyeon smiled up at him, nodding.

 “True. He can be a bit hard to shut up sometimes,” she said, sighing a bit, and it made Chanyeol smile.

 It was nice being distracted for once. Even though he could  _ feel _ Baekhyun in the club, as if the shorter had imbued the entire place with his soul, for a short while, Chanyeol’s thoughts were blessedly Baekhyun-free. Something they had not been in weeks.

 “I see why you guys keep breaking up, but I don’t understand why you go back to him,” Chanyeol joked, immediately regretting it as Junmyeon’s smile turned softer, more vulnerable.

 “Do you want to know a secret? Or, well, it’s not really a secret, but something people don’t really know. Something people mistakenly assume. It’s never me who breaks up with him.  _ He _ breaks up with  _ me _ . He thinks he’s not good enough for me, so he keeps saying that it’s over, but each and every time, he can’t stay away. So he comes back. And I don’t want him to stay away, I love him, so I keep taking him back. Might sound stupid, but until I can get him to realize that I actually want him and don’t care about what others are saying, I’ll keep my arms open for him.”

 Chanyeol’s chest had started to hurt, somewhere beneath his sternum, and he tried to swallow down his emotions. That was really sweet, actually, and Chanyeol felt like smacking Kris - hard - for his stupidity.

 “It’s not you that’s stupid, it’s him,” Chanyeol said, his voice a bit messy around the edges.

 “Who’s stupid?” Kris asked, having suddenly appeared, throwing one arm around Junmyeon’s shoulders.

 Chanyeol got up from his seat and placed both hands on Kris’ shoulders, looking him deep in the eyes with a scowl upon his face.

 “You’re an idiot. I’m an idiot, but you’re an  _ idiot _ . Stop being an idiot.”

 And with that, Chanyeol walked away, leaving Kris to stare in confusion after him, Junmyeon hiding her laugh behind a hand.

 

 Baekhyun had no idea why he did it. He should have learned, he should have listened to Jongdae, there was so much Baekhyun should have done, and so much he should not have done, but instead, he did the opposite.

 And when he saw the woman put a hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, and how they smiled so warmly towards each other, Baekhyun felt like puking.

 What an idiot he was. What the fuck was he doing here again?

 Ever since Jongdae’s visit, Baekhyun had managed to keep away. He had managed to stay away from the club, and Kyungsoo and Jongin had obviously realized what he was doing and stopped inviting him out. And Baekhyun had been grateful, but apparently his self control was severely lacking, and he once more found himself standing on the dance floor, looking at Chanyeol,  _ longing _ for the giant.

 But when Chanyeol and the  _ woman _ laughed together, leaning closer to each other, Baekhyun spun around and headed towards the bathrooms, positive he was about to throw up. His heart was hurting so much, and he hoped he would throw it up as well.

 Of course it had been stupid to go to the bathroom, where their memories were the strongest. The web-like crack in the mirror still there, still calling forth the memories of their first meeting, helping the memories of the other encounters on as well, until Baekhyun’s mind was flooded by Chanyeol once more. Chanyeol’s touch, Chanyeol’s taste, Chanyeol’s scent, Chanyeol’s  _ everything _ . How had Baekhyun gotten himself into this mess?

 As Baekhyun stood staring at the mirror, the door was pushed open, and looking up, he locked eyes with a pair that he immediately recognized. For a moment, Baekhyun panicked, before he pushed it all down and buried it, slipping on a smirk as he slipped into his pretense. He noticed the way Chanyeol’s eyes widened, naked and bare, showing the emotions underneath for half a second, before a veil came down over them, disguising everything.

 “We really have to stop meeting like this,” Baekhyun said as he turned around, arms crossed over his chest, leaning a bit against the counter.

 “Yeah, I’m starting to wonder if you’re stalking me,” Chanyeol purred as he got closer, putting a hand on either side of Baekhyun’s body, caging him in. “Can’t get enough of me, is that it?”

_ No, I can’t. _ “Excuse you, but you were the one who obviously followed me inside.”  _ I wish. _ “So it must be  _ you _ who can’t get enough of  _ me _ .”  _ Please tell me so. _

 Chanyeol licked his lips and hummed, eyes going down Baekhyun’s body like a caress, and Baekhyun desperately fought the shiver about to go down his spine.

 “Not to get your ego any bigger, but I wouldn’t mind another taste. You’re one of the best I’ve ever tasted,” Chanyeol said, heart beating so painfully against his ribs as fears clutched at him at the small admittance to the truth. Because he could not get enough, because Baekhyun was the best he had ever tasted, and because he wanted more, so much more.

 Baekhyun tilted his head slightly, the muscles in his neck working, Chanyeol’s eyes immediately latching on as he wished he could press his lips against it. Give it more pretty bruises. Mark Baekhyun possessively, to pretend that they showed that Baekhyun was his. And it made him miss the way Baekhyun’s lips pressed into a thin line, eyes filling with sadness, before it was blinked away.

 “I mean, I know I’m good. We’ve already established I have a pretty behind,” Baekhyun murmured, leaning a bit closer and making Chanyeol’s breath hitch in his throat, because he could count the stars in Baekhyun’s eyes, until he was drowning. “But thank you for the ego boost.”

 “You’re most welcome,” Chanyeol breathed, thankful that he did not need to talk any louder, knowing he was unable to. “I can give you more of them.”

 Baekhyun knew that this was stupid. He knew he would regret it, like each and every time before. But he was missing Chanyeol, the feeling of Chanyeol’s borrowed love, and so, Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s hand and pulled him out of the bathroom and towards the exit.

 And almost dropped the giant’s hand as he saw Kris by the bar, arm around the woman that Chanyeol had been  _ laughing _ with before. So that was it? Kris managed to get the girl, so Chanyeol came for his second-hand choice -  _ Baekhyun _ . But Baekhyun shook it off. He could make Chanyeol forget the girl, and even if it was just for a short moment, Baekhyun could be  _ the one _ .

 

 As soon as they got inside of Baekhyun’s apartment, the shorter was on him, fingers clawing at his clothes and lips pressing against lips. It confused Chanyeol, it seemed to hurried, and made it feel even more impersonal - made Chanyeol feel even more shitty. Like he truly was there just for the pleasure, then easily discarded.

 Oh, who was he kidding, it was exactly like that. To Baekhyun, Chanyeol was nothing more than a fuck, an easy lay. Even if Chanyeol felt deeper for Baekhyun, it was useless. It had been proven over and over again, and Chanyeol was tired. He was a fool for Baekhyun, and he did not care anymore. He gave up, he gave in, he pretended for a moment that Baekhyun was all his, and loved him. Let his body give in to the touching, locking away his mind and heart for the time being, even though he could feel the pain still.

 Baekhyun knew that he needed something to keep the pain away, keep the stupid tears away, and so he hurried everything along. Chanyeol acted as if he did not care, did not care about anything, just following the flow as if he wanted to hurry towards release as well, and it  _ fucking hurt _ . Baekhyun accidentally bit down a bit too hard on Chanyeol’s lower lip as his heart gave a stuttering little beat, but he did not pull back. It did not seem as Chanyeol minded anyway, fingers digging into Baekhyun’s flesh, to the point of almost too painful to be pleasurable. But it helped keep the rest of the pain away, and Baekhyun craved more. More pain, more physical pain,  _ more _ .

 Chanyeol felt as if he was about to break down, forcing himself to concentrate on the pain Baekhyun brought him with his teeth and nail, forcing the physical pain to overshadow the mental one. It turned rougher, oh so much rougher, than it usually was, desperation and pain interlacing in both, but neither protesting.

 Baekhyun hissed as he was pushed into the table, the wood hitting him straight in the lower back, with pain radiating down his legs. Chanyeol barely noticed, though, merely hoisting Baekhyun up on the table, and Baekhyun did not stop, just pulling the taller closer as his hand snaked its way the other’s front and cupped him. Chanyeol gasped into the kiss, shivers going down his entire body. Sorrow made him harsh, and Chanyeol swatted Baekhyun’s hands away before he flipped him over on the table and pulled him down, until Baekhyun’s feet touched the floor once more. Kisses outlined Baekhyun’s spine, and he sighed and pressed himself harder against the table, wanting more pain and less gentleness.

 Gentleness made him want to cry.

 “Please, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun pleaded, and Chanyeol stood up abruptly as he understood.

 “No. It’s been a while, you’re not used to, let me get the lube,” Chanyeol muttered, about to turn and go, when Baekhyun’s hand shot out and caught hold of one of his jeans loops.

 “It’s okay, I want it,” Baekhyun said, eyes serious even though he looked like a hot mess. “Impatient, whatever, just  _ please _ .”

 And Chanyeol’s heart broke a little bit more as he realized that maybe it had been a while since they had had sex, but that did not mean that Baekhyun had not fucked someone - or been fucked - during that time, and that maybe the lube was not as needed as Chanyeol thought. How much could a heart break before it was completely gone?

 Chanyeol’s eyes turned darker, colder, and Baekhyun wondered what he would do. Baekhyun wanted the pain, because maybe the pain would help. Maybe it could get his heart to finally kick Chanyeol out, and start to heal.

 But then Chanyeol shook his head and walked away, leaving Baekhyun lying across his table, panting softly and wondering what the fuck had just happened.

 “I’m not going to fuck you raw like that, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol called out, and getting up on his elbows, Baekhyun could see the other in the hallway, taking his shoes on. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

_ You’re already hurting me, you’ve been hurting me for a long time _ , Baekhyun thought.

_ Not like you’re hurting me, I don’t want to do that to you _ , Chanyeol thought.

 “I’m sorry. Find someone else for that. See you around.”

 And then Chanyeol was gone, and Baekhyun collapsed against his table once more, hitting his forehead against the cool wooden surface.  _ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _ What the fuck was he doing? Why was Chanyeol such a sweet torture? Why did he feel like calling the giant back, even if it was just for finishing what they had started, and having him leave again?

_ You stupid fucking idiot. _

 

 When the next Saturday came around, Chanyeol spent his entire day in his bed. He did not find the motivation to get up, not even to go out and see Baekhyun again. He was still hurting so bad after last time, and he thought that maybe this was a good thing. Maybe his heart was giving up, and maybe it was starting to forget Baekhyun.

 One could hope, at least.

 But Chanyeol knew himself all too well.

 So he was not surprised that he answered on the second ring, after the shock of seeing Baekhyun’s contact on his cellphone screen had subsided. And he was not surprised that he accepted coming over when Baekhyun asked. He knew what he was going there for, and still he could not bring himself to say no to the puppy.

 Stupid weaknesses…

 And so, Chanyeol dragged himself out of bed to go take a shower.

 

 Baekhyun was nervous. He had done something  _ really _ stupid, something he had not done before. He had called Chanyeol, asked him to come over. And even though he wished he had said that he wanted to talk, that he had asked Chanyeol to come over to see a movie or something, Baekhyun had not been that courageous, and he knew what Chanyeol expected. Baekhyun just did not know if he would be able to give that, but at the same time, he longed for that sweet touch, for the sweet lies he allowed himself to believe for a little moment.

 And when the doorbell rang, and Baekhyun opened it to find a slightly damp-haired Chanyeol on his doorstep, Baekhyun could not keep himself from smiling, just a little bit. He was in love, he knew he was, no matter how stupid it was, and could just not stop himself.

 “Hey. Come in,” Baekhyun said, and it felt so different, so  _ awkward _ . Maybe because of the lack of liquid courage. Maybe because of how they had left things the last time. Baekhyun did not know, did not explore it deeper, forced his mind to forget about it.

 Chanyeol quirked his lips into what resembled a smile, stepping inside, and Baekhyun felt flushed as soon as the other was standing in his apartment. Was this a good idea? How would this end? But Baekhyun seemed to not have any answers to his questions lately, so he let them be.

 Chanyeol’s heart was about to beat its way out of his chest, he was sure of it. What was he doing here? Why had he come? Did he want this? Why could he not find the answers to his questions? Maybe because the answers were too complicated, too tangled together, just like their relationship, just like Chanyeol’s feelings.

 Baekhyun seemed a bit nervous tonight, and Chanyeol found it adorable.

 “I… I just wanted to say sorry about last time,” Baekhyun said, clearing his throat. “I got a bit… I went overboard. I’m sorry.”

_ Ah _ . So that was it. Chanyeol leaned in and pressed his lips against Baekhyun’s, disguising it as assurance, whilst in reality he just wanted to kiss Baekhyun. No, scratch that, he wanted to hold Baekhyun close and never let go, but that was not his place.

 “Don’t worry about it,” Chanyeol mumbled, pulling back and seeing Baekhyun’s eyelids flutter open, the barest and softest of smiles on those cute little lips. And it made Chanyeol want to kiss him again, and so he did. Twice, thrice. Again and again, and it slowly began to evolve into something else as Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, and Chanyeol wished he had not, because it felt so gentle, so tender, so  _ loving _ , and it broke Chanyeol.

 So he did as usual, he pushed Baekhyun up against the wall and began to unbutton the shorter’s shirt, but he had a hard time swallowing everything down tonight. Had it gotten to far, finally? Was this it?

 Something was different tonight. Baekhyun could feel it, and even though he tried to ignore it - like so many other things - it was gnawing at the back of his mind.

He noticed how Chanyeol’s fingers shook as they tried to undo his shirt, even as those plump lips were on his own, stealing all of his air away in an almost desperate kiss.

But then, suddenly, Chanyeol broke away, with something that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Slowly opening his eyes, Baekhyun found the taller standing up straight, the back of his hand pressed against his mouth, eyebrows drawn together. And… were those tears in his eyes?

“I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol said, deep voice breaking. “I-I can’t. I can’t fucking do this anymore.”

It was as if his mind was muddled, and as if he heard everything from far away, but as the words registered, Baekhyun froze. What?

Maybe Baekhyun articulated the shocked thought, or maybe Chanyeol just needed to explain, because he kept going.

“I can’t do this, us,” Chanyeol said, one hand gesturing towards Baekhyun in his state of being half undressed, his other hand dragging through his hair. “I can’t keep pretending, I can’t keep fucking you like I don’t care. I’ve fallen for you, Baekhyun, and I can’t keep acting like I feel nothing for you.”  
  
 Maybe Chanyeol had been naive. Maybe Chanyeol had wished and hoped that his blurted confession would somehow result in Baekhyun confessing back, even though he knew it was stupid.

Because Baekhyun did not confess back. He barely stood leaned against the wall, eyes growing large, but lips staying closed. Because Baekhyun did not feel the same, and Chanyeol knew that, but he never fully realized it,  _ he never fucking stopped hoping _ . Not until now. Not until his heart was screaming in agony, trying to pound its way out of his chest that was filled with pain.   


Baekhyun knew, somewhere inside of him, that he should do something. Say something. But he could not move. Chanyeol had just confessed to him - Chanyeol, who Baekhyun thought would never love him - and all Baekhyun could do was stare as the man broke down in front of him.

“I… I’m sorry,” the taller whispered, a single tear running down his cheek, before he turned and rushed out of the room, leaving Baekhyun behind, feeling cold and abandoned.

As he heard the apartment door being opened, Baekhyun snapped out of his trance, realizing what was happening.

“No. No, no, fuck, no! Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelled as he pushed himself off of the wall and towards the hallway.

But it was already too late. The door was closed and Chanyeol was gone. Baekhyun ripped the door open, but there was no sign of the other in the hallway, and Baekhyun knew that he would not be able to find him.

Baekhyun had just lost Chanyeol, for real this time.

Throwing his door closed, Baekhyun took a step backwards, hands curling into fists by his sides.

“Fuck!” he roared, throwing his head back and pouring all of his feelings into the yell. It ended in a broken sob as Baekhyun collapsed onto the floor, hands clutching at his chest as his poor heart broke into a million pieces.

He had thought he had experienced heartbreak before. But it was nothing against what he was feeling now. Because Baekhyun knew that this was it. Chanyeol had been his one true love, and Baekhyun had just let him walk away, thinking that Baekhyun had just used him for sexual gratification.

This was it, and it made Baekhyun break down into a sobbing, screaming mess in the middle of his empty hallway.


	6. Chapter 6

 The call Kyungsoo had received from Baekhyun had been one of the scariest he had ever gotten. Not in that spooky scary way, but in the way he had barely been able to understand the man through the loud sobbing, sounding as if he had lost his entire family in a fire, Kyungsoo’s heart never leaving his throat. So he had rushed over to Baekhyun’s, Jongin in tow, to find the older sitting with his back against the wall, knees pulled up and arms wrapped around them. Which had scared Kyungsoo even more than the call had, how emotionless and empty Baekhyun had looked.

 “...we used each other,” Baekhyun mumbled, beginning to talk before Kyungsoo had even sunk to his knees in front of the older. “I fell in love, but I used him just as much as he used me, and now I’m paying for it. I could have had it, I could have had the real deal, but I was stupid. So,  _ so _ , fucking stupid…”

 “What happened?” Kyungsoo mumbled, shuffling closer until his legs were on either side of Baekhyun, and he could wrap his arms around the trembling man and pull him close.

 “He… He told me he had feelings for me,” Baekhyun choked out against Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “He said he’d fallen for me, and I was  _ so shocked _ I couldn’t move, and before I recovered, he rushed outside… He probably thinks I don’t feel the same, that I just used him… Maybe this is a sign, maybe we were never meant to be? Stuck hurting each other until we broke, only to realize we both pretended to not feel a thing. Fate is cruel…”

 Towards the end of his speech, Baekhyun sounded much calmer, but Kyungsoo could feel the wetness soaking his shirt, the tears spilling.

 “Maybe it’s not too late? Maybe you can work it out?” Kyungsoo said, rubbing Baekhyun’s back in the way the older liked. But Baekhyun just let out a sobbing and humorless chuckle, shaking his head.

 “I’ve been trying to call him so many times… He refuses to answer, doesn’t answer my texts, I don’t know if it’d matter anyway. We broke each other too much, I don’t think we can heal from this…”

 Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin, trying to think of what to do, but the younger just shrugged, before mouthing ‘Jongdae?’. Sighing softly, Kyungsoo nodded, going back to wordlessly trying to comfort his friend. He was pretty sure it was not helping that much, but at least it was something.

 

 Two weeks went past where Chanyeol refused to answer any of Baekhyun’s calls or texts. Deleted every voice call, not even checking his almost overflowing inbox.

 He was just hurting so much. Yes, he had know, of course he had, but he had  _ hoped _ that it would not be like that. That he was not alone in having feelings. And having your hope crushed, even when you  _ knew _ , was painful.

 Two weeks, Chanyeol did not leave his apartment unless necessary. And there were two places he avoided like the plague - the nightclub, and the area where Baekhyun lived. Thankfully, those two places were in the same general area, and Chanyeol had nothing to do there. The closest he ever was was when he was hanging at Kris’ place, and that was decreasing as well.

 Chanyeol just did not have the energy to do things with others. Maybe it was stupid, how involved he had become, and how much he was hurting now. Because Baekhyun had just been a one-night stand. A one-night stand that had developed into several one-night stands, but not anything deeper. But for Chanyeol it had still gotten deeper, through the little bits and pieces he had picked up here and there from Baekhyun, about Baekhyun. Enough to form a picture, telling Chanyeol that he wanted to learn more, enough to make Chanyeol understand that Baekhyun was someone he could fall for, and already had.

 Chanyeol had gone too deep, and now he was paying the price for it in tears.

 Feeling especially shitty that afternoon, Chanyeol decided to go to bed early, disregarding eating in favor of the sweet release sleep sometimes brought him. It was not guaranteed, that he would get a peaceful slumber, but most often than not his dreams hurt less than his reality.

 A while later, he woke with a start, as the doorbell rang. Chanyeol did not know how long he had been asleep, but his entire body felt weak and sluggish, so he guessed not too long, but long enough for it to be a pain to wake up.

 The doorbell rang again, and Chanyeol forced himself up and out of his bed, his cover wrapped around him as he padded over to the door and opened it.

 Junmyeon smiled softly at him, her entire being radiating pity, and it made Chanyeol feel even more pathetic.

 “Hi, Yeollie,” she said, making Chanyeol feel a bit like a child. But he did not mind too much. “I heard what happened, and from the looks of you, I’m guessing you’re not feeling too well?”

 Chanyeol gave a shrug, too tired and scared to take a look at himself to decide how he actually was feeling. He would keep floating in numbness for as long as he could.

 Junmyeon’s smile turned even sadder as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, taking off her shoes and leading Chanyeol towards his sofa.

 “This is such a mess of a situation, really…,” she sighed as she forced him to sit down, before sitting down herself.

 “What do you know about it?” Chanyeol asked, wincing a bit about how raw his throat was.

 “More than you, I think,” Junmyeon answered, pursing her lips for a moment before looking back at Chanyeol. “I don’t think you know this, but Kim Jongdae is my cousin.”

 Chanyeol frowned a bit, not recognizing the name, though there was something familiar about it.

 “He’s professionally known as ‘Chen’,” Junmyeon elaborated, and Chanyeol felt hate creep into him. “He’s also Baekhyun’s best friend.”

 The hatred stopped and gave way to surprise, and Chanyeol was pretty sure the room was starting to spin.  _ Wait, what? _

 “He suspected that you got jealous of them when you saw them, and I’m pretty sure he was right. The funny thing is that he was in that club that night because Baekhyun had been so down over the whole situation with  _ you _ , that his friends called Jongdae. So whilst you were breaking down over thinking your lover had another lover, Baekhyun was crying to Jongdae over you. Ironic, isn’t it?”

 Chanyeol did not know what to think of it all, but he was pretty sure he did not like how annoying Junmyeon’s tone was getting. Really, irony?

 “Jongdae’s also the reason for why I’m here today, alone,” Junmyeon continued, making Chanyeol look up at her again. “A while back, he got called again by Baekhyun’s friends, but this time, it was bad enough that he immediately left to go to Baekhyun. Because Baekhyun was breaking down pretty badly, from what I heard. I know you confessed your feelings to him, but I’m guessing you don’t know that he has feelings for you as well? You’ve both been going around, spiralling deeper and deeper into depression, thinking the same and not saying a word. Misunderstandings piling on top of each other, creating this mess, when it all could have been solved with just a little bit of talking. You’re both idiots, aren’t you?”

 Chanyeol was barely listening anymore, and now he was sure that the room was spinning, and faster with each and every second. It was impossible, it could not be… Baekhyun felt the same? But… Had he really read into the situation so incredibly wrong?

 “He’s been trying to tell you, calling you and texting you, but you’ve been ignoring him. It got to the point where he was barely functioning, and I knew you hardly were either, so when Jongdae told me about Baekhyun’s situation, I felt like I had to intervene.”

 “What a fucking joke…,” Chanyeol managed to get out, feeling the pain start up in his chest again. “What a stupid, fucking joke…”

 “They say karma is a bitch, but I think fate is worse,” Junmyeon said with a small shrug, before she got up from the sofa. “Anyway, I’ve left the message I came to deliver, now it’s up to you to decide what to do with it. Just, think it through properly, make sure you make the right choice. Even you deserve to be happy, Chanyeol.”

 And it was then that Chanyeol noticed the sparkling ring on Junmyeon’s finger, and he quickly double-checked to make sure he saw right.

 “You’re… Engaged?” he asked, and a light blush dusted Junmyeon’s cheeks as she held up her hand and looked down at the ring, before holding it up to show Chanyeol.

 “I think your hot mess managed to get Kris on the right track, and he realized what an idiot he’s been. No matter of how undeserving he thinks he is, I still think he deserves me, and who is he to deny that?” Junmyeon said, a fond smile on her lips. “So in a way, I have to thank you for being an idiot, Yeollie. But you can stop being one now.”

 And with that, Junmyeon left, waving at Chanyeol before stepping out of his apartment. Exhaustion crashed over him, and Chanyeol sank back against the sofa, letting out a deep sigh as his eyelids slipped close. Now what was he supposed to do? Where was he even supposed to  _ begin _ ?

 He might have fucked up real bad…

 

 “You sure you’re alright?” Jongdae asked, worry obvious in both his voice and his eyes, and Baekhyun could not help but smile at the other.

 “Yes, I’m sure,” Baekhyun reassured Jongdae, not missing the doubtful look his best friend gave him. “I’m as alright as I can be at the moment, and it’s far from perfect, but I’m doing pretty fine.”

 “If you say so…,” Jongdae slowly said, still not entirely convinced, and Baekhyun sighed as he put on his best stern face.

 “I  _ am _ saying so, so go away. I know you’ve been slacking on your idol duties, and I don’t want all of your fangirls to attack me because I’m keeping you from them.”

 Jongdae gave a small smile at that, shaking his head.

 “Guess you’re not doing too bad… Okay, fine, I’ll go,” Jongdae finally conceded, pulling Baekhyun into one last tight hug. “Just call me if you need me, and I’ll come as quickly as I can!”

 “Yeah, I know,” Baekhyun said, melting a little into the hug before pulling back to let Jongdae go. After all, Jongdae could not stay around forever, he had his work to get back to, as did Baekhyun. It was time to pull himself back together and get back to life. “Thank you, Dae. For everything.”

 “Anytime, Baek. Best friend duties include comforting after heartbreaks, and I’d do anything for you,” Jongdae said as he let go of Baekhyun, smiling softly, and Baekhyun was eternally thankful for having such amazing friends. “I’ll check up on you later, don’t you dare ignore me!”

 Baekhyun chuckled as he nodded, following Jongdae over to the door, and getting the shock of his life as he opened it.

 Because standing on the other side of the door, one hand raised to press the doorbell, was Chanyeol. The taller looked up in surprise, looking as shocked at Baekhyun felt.

 “What are you doing here?” Baekhyun blurted out, sounding a bit more harsh than he probably should, but the mess of feelings had once more exploded inside of him.

 How could a near stranger so easily and quickly make him into such a mess? It was beyond Baekhyun, and it really annoyed him.

 “I- I came to talk to you,” Chanyeol answered, voice low and almost sounding  _ small _ , and it had Baekhyun confused.

 “So Baekhyun calling you a hundred times was not good enough for you, but when he stopped, you come running back?” Jongdae bit out, scowling as he crossed his arms over his chest. It was a rare sight for Baekhyun, he was not used to seeing Jongdae looks so angry, and it made him feel uncomfortable. He disliked when his friends were upset, even when it was on his behalf.

 “Jongdae…,” Baekhyun mumbled, but Jongdae shook his head, not taking his eyes away from Chanyeol.

 “No, he hurt you too much, I’m not going to let him do it again,” Jongdae said, and Chanyeol seemed to shrink a little.

 “I didn’t know,” Chanyeol whispered, glancing away. “I thought I was being used, I didn’t know. Junmyeon just told me, up until recently I honestly believed that you had used me.”

 “I called and texted you, why would I put that much effort into trying to get into contact with you?” Baekhyun asked, feeling a headache growing.

 Chanyeol gave a small, sad smile, shrugging. “I’m not very logical when I’m upset, I needed someone to tell me outright, and Junmyeon really didn’t hold back. Which I’m thankful for.”

 “Yeah, I heard she’s thankful for you being an asshole as well,” Jongdae muttered, rolling his eyes.

 Confused about the turn in the conversation, Baekhyun frowned as he glanced between his best friend and… Whatever Chanyeol was.

 “She’s engaged now,” Chanyeol explained as he noticed Baekhyun’s confusion. “To my friend Kris, you know? Apparently he realized what an idiot he was through our… Mess, I guess.”

 Baekhyun sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, wondering why he had to sacrifice so much just for someone else to find their happiness.

 “Great, I’m happy this led to a happy ending for at least someone-”

 “I want a chance to give you a happy ending.”

 Baekhyun’s eyes flew open as he stared at Chanyeol, taken aback and barely believing what he had heard. But Chanyeol looked determined, if yet a bit scared, so it was obvious that Baekhyun had heard right.

 “Why do you deserve that chance?” Jongdae asked, a step ahead of Baekhyun, who was still feeling rather dazed.

 Even as Chanyeol answered Jongdae’s question, it was Baekhyun he was staring at, Baekhyun’s gaze he was holding.

 “Because I fucked up, but you did as well. Through miscommunications and misunderstandings we fucked up together, and I want to have a chance to see what we could be without that mess,” Chanyeol argued, seemingly gaining more and more courage by the second. “Because I fell really hard and really fast, and I think there’s a reason behind that, a reason I want to find and explore. If you’ll let me, of course. I’ll be completely transparent this time around, I promise.”

 Jongdae opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Baekhyun pressed a hand over his mouth, effectively silencing him.

 “I’ll… have to think about it,” Baekhyun whispered, not knowing if Chanyeol could actually hear him, but it was the loudest he could manage at the moment.

 It was not loud enough for him to hear over his own screaming thoughts, but as Chanyeol’s eyes widened before he slumped, giving a deflated nod, Baekhyun guessed that he had heard him.

 “I understand, I’ll give you time,” Chanyeol said, dragging a hand through his hair. “It’s only fair, I guess this is rather sudden… I promise I won’t ignore you this time around, so call or text me or whatever whenever you want to, and I’ll answer as soon as possible. Um, I’ll just go now. Bye.”

 Baekhyun stood silent as Chanyeol turned and walked away, feeling his heart painfully try to beat its way out of his chest, but he did not know what he could do about it. He did not even know if it was because he was upset that Chanyeol had showed up, or that Chanyeol was walking away.

 Walking away again, like so many times before, but this time with a promise of more - if Baekhyun wanted, if Baekhyun was brave enough to risk his broken heart.

 “You okay?” Jongdae asked, snapping Baekhyun back to reality. “Want me to stay?”

 Baekhyun smiled and shook his head, gently nudging Jongdae’s shoulder.

 “You have things to get back to, I’m fine. Confused, but fine. I think… I think I want to be alone to think as well. I’ll talk to you later?”

 Jongdae nodded, looking as unconvinced as he had before Baekhyun had managed to talk him into leaving before Chanyeol had showed up, but thankfully he did not try to push it, instead saying goodbye and leaving.

 And so Baekhyun was left alone with his panicked thoughts, not even knowing where to begin to try to sort out the mess in his mind. Because it truly was a mess; Baekhyun had just managed to find the strength to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together to move on, before Chanyeol had appeared and confused everything again.

 Baekhyun was honestly getting rather tired of being confused.

 

 Chanyeol was slowly losing hope.

 He did not want to lose hope, but every day passing where he did not hear anything from Baekhyun left him with less and less hope.

 Chanyeol had already been through this journey of slowly losing his hope, and lying in his sofa, he wondered why he was putting himself through it once more. Honestly, he would do it again for Baekhyun’s sake, because Chanyeol truly believed that there was something special between them, or could be something special between them, he was just tired.

 Rapid knocking on his door woke Chanyeol from his spinning thoughts, and sitting up, he wondered who it could possibly be. He knew that Kris would have let him know beforehand if showing up, and there was not many others who visited him.

 More knockings, seemingly even more urgent this time, had Chanyeol stand up and head towards the door, slowly opening it to reveal someone he certainly had not expected to see.

 Baekhyun.

 A wet Baekhyun, almost drenched Baekhyun, and Chanyeol’s mind could only formulate two thoughts at the moment. One, why was Baekhyun standing outside of his apartment, and two, why was Baekhyun wet?

 “I got your address from Jongdae, who got it from Junmyeon,” Baekhyun blurted, somewhat answering Chanyeol’s first question. “It started raining on my way over here, and, well… I had no umbrella or anything.”

 Turning around, Chanyeol looked out through his windows to find that yes, it was indeed raining, giving an answer to his second question. Strange, he had not even noticed the rain…

 “Can I come in?” Baekhyun asked, making Chanyeol turn back forwards, and it was not until then that he noticed that Baekhyun was shivering.

 “Oh, of course, yeah!” Chanyeol exclaimed, pulling the door open and stepping back to allow Baekhyun to come inside. “Sorry, you surprised me…”

 Baekhyun only nodded as he stepped inside, chewing on his lower lip and looking around, seeming a bit skittish. Chanyeol had no idea why, there was no one there except for the two of them, and Chanyeol was not going to jump Baekhyun or anything like that.

 “Do you promise you’ll be open with me?” Baekhyun said, completely out of the blue, and Chanyeol could only frown in question. “Can you promise me this isn’t some sick joke, and that you’ll tell me everything? Because I don’t think I can handle going through something like that again.”

 Then everything clicked, and Chanyeol furiously nodded his head.

 “I swear I’m not trying to fool you or anything,” Chanyeol rushed out, wanting to make Baekhyun believe him. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do, tell you everything, I promise.”

 “I haven’t said yes yet,” Baekhyun groaned, dragging his hands over his face and looking so distressed that Chanyeol wanted to pull him into a tight hug. “I haven’t said yes, I know I shouldn’t, but I just-  _ fuck _ , I don’t even know anymore… Why are you always making things so difficult for me?”

 “Because you make me crazy, and I just can’t let you go, not when I know I had a chance, that I might still have one,” Chanyeol whispered, feeling a pang of pain at Baekhyun’s word, but powering on. “Since day one, I’ve been completely fucking enchanted by you, and I knew I would end up a mess, but I just couldn’t stop it and walk away, I  _ had _ to have you, get a taste, and as soon as I got it, I was doomed.”

 Baekhyun removed his hands from his face, pressing the heel of one of them against his forehead as he squeezed his eyes closed and dragged in a shaky breath through his nose.

 “We’re so stupid, we’re both so fucking stupid,” Baekhyun muttered as he began to softly hit his forehead, and now Chanyeol could not stop himself from reaching out and wrap a hand around Baekhyun’s wrist, pulling the hand away. Baekhyun did not look up at him, but he did not pull away either, just looking at nothingness with glossy eyes. “I knew it was stupid, but I just  _ didn’t care _ , I was trapped from the beginning, and I  _ hate _ how easily you reduce me to a mess, no matter what you do! I’m supposed to be strong, I’ve always been strong, but now here I am, fucking crying over getting my heart broken for no reason at all, knowing that we could’ve been more, and I hate it!”

 Feeling Baekhyun’s pain echo inside of himself, Chanyeol pulled the shorter into his arms, holding him so close, not caring that he was getting wet as well, just wanting to help take the pain away. Wanting to have his own pain taken away, so he could breathe a little easier.

 Clinging to Chanyeol, it took Baekhyun a few minutes to get his breathing back under control, but as he did, he did not pull away.

 “I can’t stand this, I want us to have a second chance at happiness, I think we deserve it,” Baekhyun mumbled against Chanyeol’s shirt, and Chanyeol could barely believe what he was hearing. It felt like he was dreaming. “I can’t stay away and I don’t  _ want _ to either, so fuck it. It’s a yes.”

 Relief and happiness bubbled out of Chanyeol’s heart, and he could not hold the laughter back from bubbling out as well. Almost collapsing, he pressed his cheek against the side of Baekhyun’s head, placing a soft kiss there - for no reason but just because he  _ felt _ like it.

 “Oh my god, thank you,” Chanyeol whispered into Baekhyun’s hair, blinking his tears away. “Thank you for giving me this chance.”

 Baekhyun shook his head gently, as if not wanting to hurt Chanyeol, and it just made Chanyeol feel even lighter.

 “I’m giving myself a chance to right this wrong as well, I’m giving  _ us _ a chance, it’s a joint effort,” Baekhyun said, before pulling back and looking up at Chanyeol with red-rimmed eyes, though they seemed dry of any tears at the moment. “We probably should take it slow, but I’ve missed you so badly-”

 Chanyeol did not let Baekhyun finish his sentence, but quickly swooped down to capture the shorter’s lips in a fierce kiss, putting all of his emotions in it. And Baekhyun reciprocated it just as violently, already tugging at Chanyeol’s clothes.

 It was just as rushed and heated as their first time, but this time it was so different, like night and day. This time there was no confusion about any feelings, this time there was mutual understanding, and that made it a thousand times better.

 And this time, Chanyeol made sure to warm Baekhyun’s cold and wet body up properly, before they fell asleep tangled together, and woke up the next day to have a long overdue conversation to get to know each other properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand there it is, the ending! I hope this was a good read, I at least feel very... Relieved to finally have finished this, so I'm happy, and I hope y'all feel at least almost as happy as me about this! Please leave comments/kudos if you enjoyed it, I'm very grateful for each and every one<3


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